Thursday, September 8, 2016

Before His Last Candle Was Blown Out...

I loved having my baby in September.

I loved the cooler air, the hint of change in the leaves, the promise of winter when we could snuggle up for months in each other's arms.

I loved having my baby in September.

But now, everything has changed.

Now September brings with it a collision of emotions. It sweeps in with a hint of anxiety and broken promises. In this month I must endure every adorable back to school photo... except his. I must plan a birthday celebration that won't include him in a single photo enjoying it all. And the winter ahead leaves my bones aching to have him back in my arms.

I don't like September as much anymore. 

September is not an easy month for me. But I will always honor the promises I made to him before his last candle was blown out. Lying next to him in the dark of night, I vowed to always celebrate the life I was given with him. I vowed to celebrate him on September 29th - and every day. I promised that his brother and sister would see his light in my eyes whenever I talked about him. 

And I promised that I would not allow myself to stay stuck in the hell of Summer - or the cold of Winter. After all, I loved having my baby in September. And if I let myself, I can feel him in every cool breeze... and see his beautiful life painted in the unique and ever changing colors of Fall.

I will keep my promises, Gavin.



  1. As always, beautifully and thoughtfully written! Thanks for sharing...

  2. You have kept your promises to Gavin. Thank you for sharing, not just Gavin, but all of you with us xo.

  3. Kate, you do such a beautiful job honoring Gavin. I also have September babies. But February is my hard month. My little boy celebrates in heaven now too. You have helped learn how to include him even though he was only here a short time and has been gone 23 years. Thank you for sharing your family and your heart with all of us.

  4. Kate... So beautiful! You my friend are such an inspiration and a light. Love you!

  5. Beautiful, Kate! Gavin's memory lives on ... he lives on - through all of you!!


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