Wednesday, February 25, 2015

True Confession...

I have been trying to change the "About Me" section on this blog for the last four days.

Actually, I have been trying to change that section for over a year.

Gavin is dead.  There's nothing more permanent than that.

Yet somehow I can't bring myself to make it official on this blog.

So I've been frozen.  On my couch - with my computer on my lap - every night.  I got as far as changing my photo.  But not the words.  I'm frozen.

I try.  And I type.  And I backspace.

I let everything and everyone distract me.  I know what every single friend is up to on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. I try some more and type less.  I dust.  (You know it's bad when that happens.)

The truth is I don't want to want to do it.  But I want to - and I hate that.  Did you get that?

The truth is: grief.  It's twisted.  And permanent.

One day... I'll make that change.  And it will be the right time and the right day and somehow I'll find the right words to make it not so bad.

But right now, if you'll excuse me, I need to organize my closet.


  1. Your posts are so honest, so raw.So real. Thank you for your honesty and for just being you.

  2. Take all the time you need. Time will heal

  3. It is a giant leap of faith. We, your readers are all there for you. When the time is ripe you will do it.

  4. Kate what a beautiful picture of you! I agree grief is twisted and permanent when you lose a child. You will know when the time is right to make that change. My sons Facebook page is still up. All we can do is take one day, minute, second at a time. Sending you hugs from one grieving mother to another.

  5. If you can't do it, then the time isn't right. You can't force grief to you said, ''it's twisted and permanent ". When the timing IS right...your whole being will know it, but it will still hurt. :-( Sending you warm thoughts and cyberspace hugs. <3

  6. *hugs* There aren't words, just support.

  7. You will do it, when it's the right time for you. There are no rules or timespans when it comes to grieving, my dad and my eldest sister died 11 years ago and my mum, older sister and I are still lost, going from a family of 5 to a family of 3 in just 16 still feels raw even though it was 11 years ago, and although a lot of people have told us we should all move on, truthfully, and I know how selfish this sounds, but truthfully I'm glad my mum hasn't dated or even looked at another man, as she herself says no one could replace my dad. So even if you never change your about me, that's fine too, you will always be Gavin's mommy, and there will never be another Gavin and that will never change 💖💙xoxo

  8. Maybe you don't need to change it at all. Maybe it can just be a 2-part About Me:
    Part 1 - "Who I was when I started this blog" and Part 2 - "Who I am now". <3


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