I have been trying to change the "About Me" section on this blog for the last four days.
Actually, I have been trying to change that section for over a year.
Gavin is dead. There's nothing more permanent than that.
Yet somehow I can't bring myself to make it official on this blog.
So I've been frozen. On my couch - with my computer on my lap - every night. I got as far as changing my photo. But not the words. I'm frozen.
I try. And I type. And I backspace.
I let everything and everyone distract me. I know what every single friend is up to on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. I try some more and type less. I dust. (You know it's bad when that happens.)
The truth is I don't want to want to do it. But I want to - and I hate that. Did you get that?
The truth is: grief. It's twisted. And permanent.
One day... I'll make that change. And it will be the right time and the right day and somehow I'll find the right words to make it not so bad.
But right now, if you'll excuse me, I need to organize my closet.