I feel his presence most in the sunlight. As I watch his brother and his sister getting to know each other... learning to trust each other... it's as if I'm looking at him once again.
The protection and care that was once offered to him in that rough backyard terrain...
...is now offered to Hope.
In those moments on the swings... on the deck... in the driveway... I know he is with us. In every giggle.
In every squint of our eyes as we look past the sun for him.
In every chase of a butterfly.
I spend these moments determined to smile. Refusing to let what can't be steal what is. I want the butterfly chaser to turn and see my bright eyes. I want my little giggler to dare me not to join her. I know that this pleases him... these moments.
As the hours tick by and the sun begins to dim, I beg the moon to delay rising. Because now it is in the sunlight that I feel him the most. And I know when the moon rises... and the night falls... I won't be able to find him in the dark. Not because he is not there.
Not because he is not there.
So I sit in the sunlight and and watch them. These two souls that were destined to be together. I watch them learn... and grow... and laugh... and love. As the sun bounces off of their beautiful eyes, I see him. And each time I whisper...
"They will always have your light in their eyes. I promise you. They will always know you."
And then I beg the moon to delay rising once more. Because now it is in the sunlight that I feel him the most. I can't find him in the dark.
Not because he is not there...
But because the darkness simply cannot contain his light.