I have a little box that sits high on a shelf in my closet. Every morning and every night I glance at it. The little box is filled with items from Darcy's death.
Tomorrow is "Darcy's Day" as we call it in our house. Tomorrow would have been her fourth birthday. She was born into my arms and God's after five days of hospital labor - just hours before Mother's day in 2010.
Last year at this time I was not in the best place. Gavin had just died. Then I was hit with my first Mother's Day without him - and Darcy's third birthday.
But what a difference a year makes. I have decided that I will let my thoughts determine my emotions this weekend... instead of the other way around.
I am choosing to cherish and celebrate the children that are here with me... instead of mourning the ones that aren't. The children standing in front of me need to know that they are valuable and important and worthy.
They need to know that my love will not be separated from them by death.
I will think about the children that made me a Mother - all I ever wanted to be. I will think about why mothering makes me the happiest I've ever been.
And I will re-think what that little box means to me.
It's a box full of life.