Friday, March 7, 2014

Nosedive...

It can hit you when you least expect it.  Grief, I mean.  Tonight is one of those times.

I should feel exhilarated!  The tickets are flying for "Gavin's Playground Project" and today I got amazing news about silent auction items that have the potential to REALLY help a special needs family or two.  (More will be revealed at a later date)

But tonight - I just can't stop crying.

I miss my Dad.  He would be so proud of this.  Proud of me.  And he'd be in awe that so many people are championing this very worthy cause with us.  I would have loved to have bounced some ideas off of him - he always had great ideas.  And he always had encouraging words for me.  No matter what.  If you think I'm a positive person... my Dad was me times a thousand.

I miss my son.  This project is helping me feel like I'm still "doing" for Gavin - which is very important to me.  I have had moments during this planning process where I've kicked myself for not fighting for a more accessible playground while he was alive.  Nevertheless, I hope he is happy with me for doing it now.  For all children.

I have been so busy - and when it's time to take off my planning hat and put on my Mommy one, I'm still busy in my ever-spinning mind.  I look a wreck on most days.

Tonight, putting Brian to bed, he could tell that I was upset.  He sat and stared into my eyes for a bit before he said out of the blue...

"This is what I do when I miss Pop," he said as he put his hands over his eyes.  I couldn't believe my ears.  It was like he read my mind!  "So if you miss your Dad, you can do that too Mommy!"

At that point, my eyes welled up.  "That's a good idea, Brian.  Because I AM missing my Dad."

"And Gavin, too.  Right?" he said.

"And Gavin, too, buddy."

So tonight calls for some box throwing in the garage.

And tomorrow - Mommy is getting a love bomb day.

I will be taking my handsome son on a date.  We're going to the Movie Tavern to get waited on while we watch the Lego Movie!  Then - who knows!  I'm up for anything.  Brian and I need some one on one time - just the two of us.

Tonight I took a nosedive.  But don't worry... I was a flight attendant.  I realize it's time to put on my oxygen mask.  I'll be back to myself in no time.

*******
If you missed the link to purchase tickets to Gavin's Playground Project or register for the silent auction (which does not require purchasing a ticket) - click HERE!

Or, if you'd like to donate straight to the hospital, click HERE and choose "Abilities Playground" in the donor designation section.


6 comments:

  1. Oh, Kate...this made me cry too, for you and for your losses. I am so very sorry that you have to go through this. Please know that Gavin would be so proud of you for what you do. I hope tomorrow is an easier day for you, and remember the happy life you gave to your dear, sweet Gavin. And, you are always 'doing' for Gavin...just by being the wonderful Mommy that you are to his brother & sister, but meanwhile, NEVER forgetting to honor him in every thing you do. Gavin and your Dad's spirits and memory will live on through you. Sending hugs to you.

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  2. You are allowed, my dear. You are allowed.

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  3. Ditto what Kathleen just said. You've been a brave soldier for so long. Of course your heart is aching for your Dad and Gavin. Bless you, you work so hard. I wish I was there to give you a hug.

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  4. Sending you some hugs from UK xx

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  5. You are truly an amazing woman. You've been through so much but you are taking each day, one by one, and teaching all of us. BIG (((hug))).

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  6. Im so sorry Kate, and we are so proud of you for all the work you are doing in your sons honor. Hang in there sweetheart, Praying for your mommies heart.

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