Exactly one month ago today, I gave birth to Hope. How can that be?
We celebrate a lot around here, and monthly celebrations until the age of two are part of the deal if you're born a Leong. Brian and I kicked it off by giving Hope a bath - something she really loves.
He was so sweet and tender with her - talking to her softly as he poured the warm water onto her body.
Hope has changed so much over the last week. She's looking for me more when I'm holding her or nursing her. And there are moments when I feel like she's on the verge of a smile - a real, deliberate one. But it's too soon for that. I do like to think that her dreamy, sleepy smiles are the times that she sees her brother in Heaven. Whether that's true or not, the imagery warms my heart.
We are getting better and better at nursing and I'm finding ways to manage my oversupply so it doesn't affect her as much. I've had lots of suggestions to pump a little out before I begin. I did that with Brian when he was an infant and that definitely helped. But this time it won't, I'm afraid. She could be ten minutes into a nursing session and suddenly swallow too much. It's hard to predict when she'll be affected! I'm starting to master nursing her as she lays on top of me - so she's drinking UP. That definitely seems to help. Now, if I can just help her to stop spitting up so much! That girl requires more wardrobe changes than an awards show host!!
Brian and I had a fun time taking Hope's one month photos today. Hope you enjoy them!
I wish I could stop the clock. As Hope turns one month - and we are looking into the New year - I feel as if we leave Gavin further and further behind. We are coming up on nine months from his death. That seems impossible. It seems like yesterday I was taking monthly photos of him.
During Hope's four week photo shoot on Saturday, I took the last photo on my 16GB memory card and my heart sank. I knew it was time to empty the card. All of my photos are on my laptop - on our home computer - and backed up twice. Yet for some reason, I always find it hard to erase my memory card. This time - it was even harder. When I emptied the card, I knew I would no longer have photos of Gavin on there. There are no more photos to be taken of him. His photos are stored and easily accessible - but something about the finality of "no more photos" sent me into an emotional tailspin.
But then - I started to fill my card again today.
Life is so unpredictable.