After yesterday's ordeal, Ed gave me a day of rest today. I got up to say good morning to Brian - because I can't help myself - and then let him tuck me back into bed. He took off my glasses, pulled the sheet over me, turned out the light and said "Have a good rest, Mommy!" I have the sweetest little boy.
Last night, during our regular bedtime "pillow talk" - Brian wanted me to go through the story of Gavin's death. He wants this every night... still... and I recite the same story each time. I think it's important to him as part of his processing and I'm happy to do it. But last night, when I got to this part... "the doctors tried and tried and tried to make him better, but Gavin's heart just kept stopping and they told us he was going to die..." Brian suddenly stopped me.
"Mama? When I'm bigger, I'm going to be a doctor and I'll make kids better so they won't die. You'd like that, right?"
"I think you'd make a great doctor, Brian." I replied.
"Yeah. I know." he confidently replied.
I believe him. I really think something special is in store for this child. I honestly do. And whatever he does - he'll have the biggest, loudest cheerleaders in us!
I was thinking about his comment as he tucked me into bed this morning... and as I drifted off to sleep. I couldn't believe it when my eyes opened and the clock said ELEVEN AM!!!!! Impressive, eh? I was so grateful for the rest.
And this is the point where the men and maybe even women who don't appreciate "too much information" might want to stop reading.
I came downstairs and right away I thought I was peeing on myself!! Nice, huh? I went to the bathroom - but it kept up. I couldn't blow it off anymore so I called my OB. Again. He told me what I already knew... I'd need to head to Labor and Delivery to be checked. They do a very uncomfortable exam (I've had them before in previous pregnancies) to check to see if the fluid you are leaking is amniotic fluid. Why uncomfortable? Two words: No Lube.
Lucky for us, my Mom had plans to come over tonight. Her intention was to cook dinner for us and give me time to rest! She did do that - but she ended up staying with Brian so Ed could be with me at the hospital. We were so grateful.
I was in the Labor and Delivery room right next door to the room where I spent five days delivering Darcy. And I was, once again, a nervous wreck. I told the nurse that I would be very, very happy to write about my embarrassing afternoon when I was told that, "Nope - it wasn't amniotic fluid, Kate. It could be that you're just an old leaky lady!"
And that's exactly what happened. After the horrific test that had me levitating off the bed... and an ultrasound to be sure Hope was surrounded by fluid... I got the news that everything was fine.
I'm just old. And pregnant. And happy to be mortified.
It is never something to let go if you think you're leaking fluid. I won't be taking any chances and even pretending that I know enough on my own instead of being checked by the experts. Especially with my crazy history.
I sat with Brian at bedtime to have a little talk. I told him that when he was in my belly - and my belly got as big as it is now with Hope - that the doctor had to see me a LOT... just to make sure that he was okay and that I was okay. So now that my belly is big with Hope - I will have to go to be checked by the doctor, too.
I told him, "Gavin was such a big helper and so patient when I was pregnant with you. He had to say goodbye to me many times when I went to the doctor. And he took such good care of me when I was home. I know that you'll be such a big boy, too."
He patted my belly, "Don't worry, Hope! I'll take care of you and Mommy."
And with that, the old leaky lady kissed her little "doctor" goodnight.