Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Dear Hope,...

Dear Hope,

Today I had a glimpse of you like I've never had before.  I feel like I was invited to peek into a secret world that many never see... and it was such a beautiful privilege.  

Actually, being your Mommy is a privilege!  Since the day I knew you were in my womb, I have loved you.  Your Daddy and I feel honored to be gifted with a daughter and just know that there are special things in store for you.  In our eyes, your mere existence is a complete miracle to us.

As I looked at the screen and saw your sweet face... your rosebud lips... and watched you yawn... I pictured you in my arms.  I can't wait to figure out "our song" and "our book" and "our routine..." just like I did with your brothers.  I just can't wait for all of us to get to know you.

Hope, I want you to know that you are joining a very unique family.  Some people might see us as having a sad history - but you will soon be in on the secret.

Our family is not sad at all.  You will learn that you have a sister in Heaven named Darcy.  Perhaps you've already met her!  I never had the chance to know her - to find out what her personality was like - to see what she would look like.  But she has left a beautiful mark on our hearts that has made us stronger, wiser and more compassionate.  And as we share her story with you - and celebrate her special days with you - you will realize that she will leave the same mark on your heart.  Your big sister.

And you will learn all about your big brother, Gavin.  Perhaps you've met him already, too.  You will realize how strong and brave and wise and loving he was.  I have two big brothers and always felt like they protected and watched over me.  Lucky you will also have two big brothers - and, in their own ways, they will do the same.  We were so, very sad when Gavin was taken from us.  But that did not, in any way, take away from our joy in knowing you were on your way to us.  Somehow, sweet Hope, God has given us the gift of grace... and the gift to be able to balance delicately between these two incredible events.  We will pass all of the gifts and lessons that we've learned to you and your brother.  Because of Gavin and because of Darcy, you will have extra special qualities that are part of our "secret family recipe."  But this is a secret that is okay to be shared - and I hope that you do share it with the world as you grow.

Your Daddy and I are so happy that you've been sent to us.  And we are excited to see how our family will change and grow and deepen and widen in every way when you come home.  And your big brother, Brian, is eagerly anticipating Christmas this year!  He talks to you every day and gets so, so happy when he feels you move for him.  Have you heard him talking to you?  Your little conversations are already so special.  You're going to love Brian.  I think the two of you will have an instant bond.

Today the doctor told me that you couldn't look more perfect.  He said you are growing right on target and as of today - 28 weeks and 3 days into my pregnancy - you weigh two pounds, ten ounces.  If you are born on target - you're expected to be seven pounds!  If that happens, you'll be my biggest baby!
He also told me that you already have lots of hair - and showed me what it looks like on ultrasound!  Incredible.  I'm so grateful for technology.  The little spikey white lines is your hair!
 
I am still believing you born, Hope.  And I know that the four of us - with Gavin and Darcy by our side always - will make an incredible earthly team.

You are so loved, Hope Margaret Leong.

Love,


Mommy.




21 comments:

  1. We all believe in Hope! Love this post and the sneak peeks at your little girl. :)

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  2. Beautiful pictures! Thank you for sharing Hope and your precious family with us.

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  3. Well, hello Little Hope. How lovely to see you. Looks like you are doing your baby job very well. Good for you. Keep on growing little one and take it easy on your Mama. She is doing great, but she is juggling a lot. Blessings to the whole Leong Family.

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  4. I love, love, LOVE that sweet little yawning picture!!

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  5. This just made me smile! Thank you, for being the voice of life - the beauty of life in all it's forms, from birth to natural death. Your family is just an amazing testimony and I love catching up with you each day.

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  6. So incredible that they can show you HAIR on an ultrasound now! She looks so beautiful!!!

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  7. I have been enjoying you blog for a few months now. I am always so touched by how you are raising your children. You help to inspire me.
    Your baby girl is beautiful. I'm keeping you in my prayers that everything stays on target.

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  8. We believe in Hope!!! Oh, sweet Hope, you are going to LOVE your family, your two big brothers and big sister. And wonderful Brian, your brother at home? He will be the BEST big brother to play with and laugh! Hope, your family does have a secret recipe. We hope at Christmas to have you start learning what it is. We believe in Hope. Jenny Page

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  9. amazing! she is sooooo beautiful! kate your words always bring me to tears....such a beautifulletter to your beautiful daughter....so much love from jamaica xoxox

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  10. Beautiful!! The pictures are amazing, and your writing is so lovely! hugs and prayers from Maryland

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  11. How beautiful...how very exciting... Believing Hope born with you...

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  12. Beautiful...Wishing Hope born, too... :)

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  13. As I said earlier, Miss Hope, the places you will go, the things you will do and you have lots of folks loving you and waiting on the bows and the frills and all the girl stuff and then seeing you as you play t-ball with our Brian. Gavin you are watching over your little family in that Super G way.

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  14. Hello, Kate,
    Like many, I have been silently following your blog since Gavin's seizure. I pray for your family and a healthy Hope regularly. Tonight I felt inspired to leave you a comment.

    My son was born almost 4 years ago at the age Hope is now. 28 weeks. He weighed 3lbs and spent 59 days in the NICU. My story has a happy ending, as today he is a thriving, healthy boy.

    After suffering a miscarriage and having a micro-preemie, I look at pregnancy so differently now... Much more worrisome and concerned.

    But tonight I feel really "good" about your pregnancy. Tonight I really feel that "Hope is going to be okay." Even if she is born tomorrow, she will be fine. And I just wanted to share that with you.

    Those photographs are amazing. Thank you so much for sharing.

    I wish you peace during your third trimester.

    Mary Kay

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  15. Wow, stunning, she's gorgeous, thank you for sharing her beauty with us!

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  16. I am in awe at how beautiful Hope is (to say nothing of the awesome technology that allows such detailed pictures). I can imagine Brian's joy when he looks at his new little sister. He is such a fantastic big brother (and a pretty amazing little brother as well!)! Thank you for sharing these wonderful glimpses of Hope (and hope).

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  17. Goosebumps, I feel the same as you do. People have said they feel sorry for us because our daughter has passed and, as much as I never wanted it to happen, I feel lucky to have the perspective she has left for us. I can't wait for you to meet little Hope.

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  18. My oldest "baby" is now 30. I was so excited at my first ultrasound (no so excited about all the water I had to drink-wondering if you still have to do that). There was nowhere near the amount of detail you are now able to see. She looks so comfy in there! I think too that she will be a wonderful combination of Darcy & Gavin.

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  19. I love the one of her yawning. So precious! Blessings

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