Friday, August 30, 2013

Tickles From Heaven...

It's been a long two days since my last post (which I'll get to in a moment).  I have had a terrible headache that won't go away (and still hasn't).  I really don't get headaches, so of course my first thought was - something is wrong with my pregnancy.  When the headache got worse today, I ended up at the hospital to get evaluated for Pre-Eclampsia.  Thankfully, my labs came back looking perfect (is that rude to brag like that?).  I still have the headache - and I really haven't had the luxury to lay in a dark, quiet room with a bag of peas on my head.  For the last two days I've had to answer Brian's ten million questions, beg him to watch yet another Scooby Doo, say no twenty times to playing outside... and get bossed around while painting and coloring and playing pirates and building houses.  I'm not complaining - I love playing with Brian - ok, I am complaining.  I would have rather been in bed all day.  But Ed is home now - and I am finally in bed.  And I likely won't leave until tomorrow night if I can swing it.

So far, this pregnancy has been my easiest.  Every ultrasound has looked picture perfect - there have been no worries or complications.  My blood pressure (which has been a problem in previous pregnancies and the big reason Gavin and Brian were born before their due dates) has been perfect.  I have the normal issues - sciatica, restless legs, heartburn and difficulty sleeping... but you won't hear me complain!  And it's getting harder, physically, for me to do strenuous activities.  You know, like getting up off the couch.  But when something comes up - like this headache - I panic.  I don't believe I could bear to lose another child.  I have said from the start that I plan to "believe this baby born" - but I still have this little cloud of anxiety that follows me everywhere.  Because I know that the worst can happen - and it can happen quickly like a sucker punch.  I know because I've lived it.  Twice.

But Hope is fine.  And I will live (in my bed... until tomorrow night).  She is proving to be a very considerate little girl, this Hope Margaret.  She moves ALL the time - just like her brother, Brian, who I nicknamed "monkey" during my pregnancy with him!  It's very reassuring to me to know that she's ok. Every movement - even if it wakes me - is like a hello from Heaven.  I just have this visual of Gavin constantly tickling her feet to get her to move because he knows it will bring me comfort. Silly, maybe, but it's something I love to visualize.

I want to thank ALL of you for receiving our project for Gavin's birthday with such enthusiasm and support.  I was so grateful for your lovely comments, your great suggestions and your overall excitement for our plan to re-do the children's waiting room in Paoli Hospital's emergency room in his memory... inspired, of course, by Brian.  As of this moment, the unbelievable total stands at $5, 955.00. I'm going to keep it open until next week for anyone who wants to donate, but I have to say - the generosity has blown us away.  EVERY donation to me is generous - from the $6.00 donations that were given to represent his sixth birthday to the $600.00 donation from a generous woman who had been waiting to do something extraordinary with some inheritance money she received.  Picturing each and every one of you taking the time to enter your information online and pull out a credit card and read those tiny numbers as you typed it all in - it makes me want to cry.  Thank you for taking time out of your busy lives to care about our project... our son's memory... and our family.  I don't take any of this for granted and I promise you that I will keep you involved every step of the way as we transform this little room (with extra to spare!) for all of the children, like Brian, who are left waiting.

Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.


  1. It's a great thing that you are doing....and don't worry, all of us moms have those days when we thank goodness for the invention of television. Not proud of it but it happens.

  2.'s all amazing to me..and obviously, to you! I haven't read through how many ideas you have already received, and so I don't know if this is repetitive, but a chalkboard wall or butcher paper easel seems like something that could let kids express themselves while they wait...and our science center has these soft vinyl building blocks - they are all small and rectangular but would look like an igloo if the kids could build it up just right...they would be easy to sanitize, too! Just a few ideas! Such a whirlwind of emotions you must be caught up in, no wonder you have headaches!! A stress relieving prenatal massage could do you some good!

  3. I say take every precaution you want to take - you deserve peace of mind more than anyone!

    Have you tried DoTerra peppermint oil for your headaches? I get a lot of hormonal ones, due to my PCOS, and that stuff works wonders and its totally natural. Just a few dabs on the back of my neck and then a few drops on my thumb that I then place on the roof o my mouth for a few seconds - works like a charm!

    Hope you feel better soon!

  4. Kate, the peppermint oil suggestion is a good one and really works! I'm not sure why you are not choosing to get a few hours of help a couple days a week where you have a trusted babysitter watch Brian and play with him. You are going to be very tired and busy with Baby Hope and Brian needs to learn to trust that his world can expand a little and still be ok. Please don't act on the feelings of guilt you have about planting him in front of the tv. Mothers in much less dire circumstances do it all the time. Small children' s zillions of questions become tedious. Have a babysitter play at your home away from you at first. Then gradually start running longer and longer errands until he is accustomed to not seeing you. Betcha you'll both enjoy the rest of your days so much more afterwards. Best wishes!!

  5. The allergens, pollen, mold ect.are very high this time of year.Even if you are not usually affected by these, being pregnant can often trgger things we were not previously bothered with. I realize taking allergy meds is probably out of the question, but I often can get headaches that go on for days with a sinus infection.Which of course can be quickly taken care of with antibiotics.Maybe just your body tellin g you to take a break.Feel better soon.

  6. The thought of Gavin tickling Hope's feet just puts a smile on my face.
    And,yes,I believe that is what he is doing!:)

  7. I am pregnant right now with my third and had pregnancy headaches all the time with the first two! For some reason none with this baby, and I'm due in two weeks. I was checked for Pre-E at the time too, I know what a scary thought that is. Sorry that it's being persistent!

  8. I know exactly how you feel. During my fourth and last pregnancy (which produced my only living child) I was convinced until he came out screaming that something would go wrong. Every ache and pain sent me into panic mode. I knew I wouldnt survive another loss (still wouldnt) so for me it was agony (mostly). The thing that got me through was my amazing family and friends...they carried the positive thoughts for me and reminded me often. On several different occasions, with several different people I had very similar conversations. I would tell them how worried I was and each of them told me "I just know everything will be fine". I hung on those words each time and soaked up their positive words.

    So, I am sending all my positive thoughts and my "I just knows" your way. Be gentle with yourself and I hope Gavin keeps tickling those tiny feet.


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