Saturday, July 6, 2013

Mommy's Having a Baby!...

Today was the big day.  Ed and I told Brian he was going to be a big brother!!!

We just couldn't keep it a secret from him anymore.  With my belly growing day by day and purchases being made and even the chance that he'd hear it from someone else... we thought it was time.  We have been honest and upfront about everything else since Gavin's death.  But... I have agonized over this.  I was fearful of telling him too soon for obvious reasons.  But then I thought, if I have decided to put my fears aside and believe this baby born - why should I be fearful at all?  I worried, too, about the way we told him.  I had every anxiety imaginable - that he'd think we were "replacing" Gavin... or that he would be "replaced"... or that he'd HATE the idea.  I seriously spent four days researching the internet for stories that matched ours.  You know, a woman with multiple pregnancy losses... the loss of a daughter... then the loss of a five year old... then finding out on the day the five year old died that she was pregnant... and had to tell the surviving four year old there would be a new sibling.

Yeah, there's no one like us.  *sigh*

So, I thought and thought and thought.  And I asked Gavin to help me.  You'll see in this video what I came up with... and what Brian thought of the whole thing.  And, you'll also notice that Brian is sitting in Hope's nursery with her bedding and curtains behind her... and the butterflies from Gavin's funeral.  Enjoy...

As promised, we immediately left after the big announcement to Toys R Us to celebrate.  Brian predictably picked out a Star Wars toy - and then we headed straight to the baby section.  That's when this happened...
I think everything is going to be just fine.

Next, we headed to the mall to throw pennies in the fountain.  My way to include Gavin in our celebration.  After all, he's getting to be a big brother, too.  And we all know he's really good at it.

p.s. - If you happen to disagree with the way I told Brian, please keep it to yourself.  This is a HUGELY sensitive topic for me - and I invested so much emotional energy into what to say.  It will crush me to read any mean spirited or divisive comments about this.  Thanks.



138 comments:

  1. Yay you!! Yay all of you!!!!

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  2. Yay for Big Brother Brian!! I loved that he could pick out a toy for his sister, Hope. I also loved including Gavin with the penny fountain!!! Nice job, Mama!!

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  3. just have two simple words for you... Beautiful and Wonderful!!!! god bless all of you!!!

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  4. Love it! His reaction says it all!

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  5. Hi, Kate.

    You don't know me, but I found out about you and your amazing story through Erin Margolin. I've refrained from commenting in the past, because I just didn't think I could add any more to the beauty of the conversations.

    This time, however...I had to comment. I think the way you told Brian is just perfect. He's going to be a great big brother, just the way Gavin has been and is to him.

    Sending love,

    Casey

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  6. I think you did a great job...yeah you only looking at Brian shows you what a great job you did he couldn't have been happier. Well done you.xxx

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  7. I agree! I think it was absolutely perfect! :-)

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  8. I think it's wonderful and beautiful and I couldn't be happier for all of you! What an amazing gift!

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  9. Yay..... girls love big brothers, and Hope has two of the best!!!!!! Congrats Leong family.......

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  10. Beautiful!!! My thoughts and blessings with you!! <3

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  11. What an absolute perfect way to share the announcement of a precious milestone in Brian's life. Yes, he was and still is a brother, but now he will be a BIG brother also!

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  12. I cannot imagine why anyone would say ANYTHING about the way you handled telling Brian. Nicely done!!

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  13. My daughter watched with me and was so happy and smiling! Great way to reveal and so special to record. :) She said she just wanted to watch it again because you all are so happy! What a special moment in your lives, and well done!

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  14. I think you handled this amazingly, and Brian looks absolutely thrilled to be a big brother. Best wishes!! xoxo

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  15. It gave me chills! So cute!

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  16. That was beautiful. I want you to know that i don't personally know you but have followed your story and prayed for you through everything. I am praying for you and so happy for your family! God bless you! What an amazing family you all are!

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  17. Gavin, Brian, Darcy and Hope are so so fortunate to have wonderful, thoughtful, caring parents who put the feelings of their children first. That in itself is remarkable! So happy for all of you!!!!
    Candice

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  18. What a beautiful way to tell Brian. I loved everything about it and don't think it could have went any better! Brian will be an awesome big brother... he had such an amazing example in Gavin.

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  19. Kathy from OregonJuly 6, 2013 at 6:07 PM

    <3 is all I can really add to this.

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  20. If anyone has a negative comment, this is one moment where you can maturely stick your fingers in your ears and say "la la la I dont hear you!" and it would be truly appropriate. I love the way you told him personally.

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  21. How wonderful to involve Brian in the process - having him choose baby's first toy is an amazing idea. I also wanted to comment that the seahorse toy in the picture is fantastic! (In case you decide to go back and browse more baby stuff!) We have one and the music is lovely. Sending good thoughts your way from London.

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  22. I think it was a wonderful to tell him and letting him pick out her first toy. Also think the fountain was an awesome way to include Gavin in the celebration,after-all he is a big brother again. God bless the whole family

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  23. Love love the way you told him! You are amazing parenta.

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  24. That was wonderful! Congratulations to the whole family! :)

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  25. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry you even had to say that...but I understand why you did. But either way, I thought it was wonderful! I loved that you told him you knew God didn't want him to be lonely...I try to always remind the kids that God loves them and will always be there for them (even when Mommy and Daddy mess up - LOL!)...but i wish I found ways more often. Anyway, congrats and GREAT JOB Mama! :-)

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  26. Great job Mom! You kept it upbeat and exciting, just the way a 4 year old would want to hear the news. Beautiful.

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  27. this is wonderful!!!! LOVE to you today.

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  28. I understand how coming to the decision on how to share this big news needed to be mulled over and prayed about. I think you did a great job and it was God honoring as well. Your children are blessed to call you Mommy. Hang in there and keep your eyes trained on the Kingdom and I know you'll keep doing amazing things. Xox <3

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  29. this was just precious! thanks for sharing. so so happy for you all !

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  30. I too, have never commented, but this absolutely breaks my heart. The fact that you have to ask people to not post judgmental comments is just shocking to me. Kate, you are the bravest, strongest, wisest woman I have ever "met" and no one can/should judge any of your decisions! As you found from your internet searching, there is no family like yours, and there is no one as brave you, as selfless as you, and the perfect mother for Gavin, Brian, Darcy Clair, and Hope!

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  31. So so cute!! Congrats to you and your beautiful family!

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  32. Oh my goodness...I think you handled it perfectly!! I was so happy for you and your family that I cried during the whole video!! Congratulations :)

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  33. All of us from the Holleran family in Virginia are rooting for you and we happen to think the way you shared the news with Brian was perfect! Ethan, Ellie and Meghan were all sitting around me while we watched and they cheered for you, too. Ellie asks about you (and Gavin, mostly) all the time. She is our special child. God bless you.

    With love,
    Heather Holleran

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  34. His excitement is priceless! Love it!! So happy for you all!

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  35. I have tears!!! Congrats!!!

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  36. Beautiful. What a lovely way to share incredible news and to include Gavin on the celebration! YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!!

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  37. Beautiful. The way you told him was perfect. God bless you all.

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  38. How super amazing!!!!

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  39. Beautiful...just beautiful! Couldn't have been any more perfect!

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  40. I think you told Brian in the best way possible, and he was so excited about her too! So awesome Kate!

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  42. LOVE, LOVE!!! I am SO excited for your family!

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  43. That was so awesome...love seeing Brian's excitement....great way to announce the news to Brian! And so happy for you all.

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  44. I have goosebumps!!! It was perfect, Kate!!!! What a little sweetie Brian is - he is going to follow in Gavin's footsteps and make an AWESOME big brother! Thank you for sharing your journey. Sending love & lots of good wishes.

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  45. His reaction was great!!!!! I love the toy that he picked out for Hope!!!

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  46. Simply amazing!

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  47. I think it was a wonderful way to tell him

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  48. There is NO WRONG WAY to tell your family about your wonderful new baby. Whatever way you choose is right for you! But I just have to say that... you did it perfectly. I got shivers!

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  49. How fantastic! Brian is so excited! You told him perfectly, Kate. Now get ready for the thousand and one questions he is sure to ask--including the daily question of: Is today when Hope's coming? :-)

    Congrats to you all.

    Kerry

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  50. Love his reaction!! Love the way you told him!! Love the toy Brian picked out!! He's going to be an awesome big brother!! He learned from the best of them!! Praying for continued good things for all of you!! Take care!! I'm sure in some ways telling Brian must feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders!! That's one less worry that hears or overhears from someone other than you!! Relax and enjoy the rest of this special day!!

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  51. Awwwwww, that was lovely :D xxx

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  52. That was spectacular! I had tears streaming down my face. I am so happy for your family and will continue to keep you in my prayers.

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  53. I think how you told Brian was fantastic! I had tears in my eyes and I was smiling BIG! We are all so excited for you and we cannot wait to "meet" baby Hope!!!

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  54. Beautiful to have the memory of that moment recorded : )

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  55. I was brought to your blog the day that you took Gavin to the emergency room and have been a daily reader since. I haven't commented before, as I just didn't know what to say, but I have been praying for your family, including baby Hope (I've been calling her that since the beginning). I think you are amazing parents, and Brian is going to be such a great big brother because of the example he has in Gavin.
    Tiffany

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  56. What a magical moment to have captured forever -- and what a wonderful gift the new big brother picked out for his sister! Perfect way to share the exciting news! :)

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  57. Yeah Kate!!!!!! I am SO happy for your family!!!! What spectacular parents you are to Brian, and soon, Hope! It won't be long before that bedroom is overflowing with pink....everything, Disney princess dresses, and barbies!!!! Congratulations!!!

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  58. Oh Kate that was just precious. It couldn't have been approached and handled any better way. I loved the way you threw Toys R Us in there, great idea. It was a perfect way for Brian to make his first "Big Brother" decision. I'm thrilled that Brian seemed to be so happy. You can just tell he's ready to be a big brother to his baby sister Hope. Great way to keep Gavin in the process too. Good on ya.

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  59. I watched the video without the sound. What an incredible reaction from Brian! So, so, so sweet to see him so very excited about the news. I am sure he will be Hope's loving brother protector. God bless all of you.

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  60. That is one seriously cute kid ! ! Very sweet !

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  61. you did just fine in how you told him and just being able to finally share it with him is all that matters :)

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  62. No, you taught him an important lesson -- to embrace joy when you can. One day, when he is adult and suffers loss, he will realize he has a choice to make. Without doubt, he will look to what his parents taught him. You did good, mama. :)

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    1. +1 to what Leigh said. Congratulations on such happy news!

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  63. He is absolutely priceless! What a special little man you have there, congrats momma (and daddy!)

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  64. precious! Brian took the news super well! and your approach was just perfect. LOVED his reactions!

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  65. It was perfect & I'm very very happy for you.

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  66. oh, kate! this couldn't have been more perfect; great job. Brian is So very excited and has so much love to give to that little bebe girl :) He will be an amazing big brother. He did, after all, learn from the best. So many people thinking of you... xo - sheila m

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  67. You did an AMAZING job of telling him!!!!! It was a joyful loving talk and you mentioned Gavin.

    Toys R us was a wonderful Idea!!!! I cannot imagine anyone conveying this any better than you did.

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  68. How fabulous was Brians reaction. Oh my gosh he is just gorgeous.
    I sound like a broken record here....so happy for all of you.

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  69. Thank you for sharing your lives with all of us. I think Brian will be a fantastic big brother... of course, he learned from the one of the best. God bless your family.

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  70. What a fabulous reaction!!! Best wishes!!

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  71. That was amazing, I loved his reaction it was so cute how excited he is. So happy for your family you couldn't have asked for a better reaction from Brian.

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  72. THat was like the cutest thing ever!! I got the chills too, and had the biggest smile on my face!! So so so so so so happy for all of you!!

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  73. I came across your blog one day -- and have read every single post you have written since. I applaud you for your courage and strength. The way you have with words is wonderful. The strength you have to share with all of us is incredible. Thank you.

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  74. Loved watching this video! So sweet!

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  75. Congratulations! It looks like the announcement went over really well with Brian. You are an AWESOME mom and it makes me angry to think others post negative comments. Mazel Tov!

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  76. Amazing as always <3 to you all!

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  77. Loved it! Oh my gosh, I grinned the whole way through and then some!! You could just feel the excitement from you and Brian both! So happy for you!

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  78. Brain's reaction was priceless! I think the Toys R Us trip was a perfect way to really get him excited and celebrate being a big brother! BTW, I love the doll he picked out, he is going to be an amazing big brother!

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  79. So beautiful! I loved it. Congratulations to the big brother Brian!! I am sure he will be wonderful, he had such a great example in Gavin.

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  80. One thing I have learned is that in many situations, such as this, there is no right or wrong. It is about whatever is best for your own unique family. Congrats!

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  81. So perfect! I loved seeing how excited Brian was. He is going to be an awesome big brother! Way to go :)

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  82. Well done!! Im wishing your whole family all the positivity and love in the world.

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  83. What a beautifully happy moment for your growing family! Continued congratulations and continued Hope for a very lucky little girl.

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  84. You told him with love and consideration--what reasonable person could object to that?

    And I found it especially awesome of you to work in a Toys R Us trip, in case Brian wasn't excited enough. :-D Great way to involve him in welcoming Hope.

    -Corinn, who can't tell if signing in is working

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  85. I'll chime in the chorus: you did a great job. Balanced, bittersweet, and keeping it positive, moving forward without forgetting. Incredibly touching and so layered, so considerate of the various things Brian could feel with the news -- good, bad, ugly, and everything in between. <3 to your family.

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  86. You are AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And so loved!

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  87. I feel so blessed to be able to share in such innocent joy,love and excitement. What a loving way to share the news....beautiful.

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  88. Awww tears! Beautiful reaction from little Brian x

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  89. I love how, after you told him her name, he said "Hope?!" and popped up a little bit. That's my favorite part. ♥ Just precious. I have a feeling that little Hope will want to watch this video again and again someday. :)

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  90. Love Brian's reaction and I LOVE how you included Gavin in the announcement and celebration.

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  91. You.Beautiful.You

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  92. I love you - BEAUTIFUL job in telling Brian and celebrating your new life. By the way, have I mentioned before that I LOVE the name Hope. It is my 'word' so to speak. If I were not afraid of pain, I'd get a tattoo with the word Hope. Also (on a roll here) my husband and I are cattle ranchers and I name some of my favorite cows. One of mine - no surprise here - is Hopey. :D

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  93. What a great way to tell him!!! I love that you also include Gavin in everything you do :) So special <3

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  94. I love how when you ask Brian a question, he nods his head and says, "yeah". So sweet and what a wonderful day.

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  95. Ann Dillon TannousJuly 7, 2013 at 11:41 AM

    Precious Brian! I kept wondering how you were going to tell him. You did it perfectly! So upbeat-as it should be! So joyous-as it should be! Oh, I love you and your family! God bless you all!

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  96. I think it was a wonderful way to tell Brian that he is going be a big brother and how he chose the first toy for Hope!

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  99. That was perfect. Who could've done it better?

    Btw you have the best story telling voice.
    Somewhere in that busy life of yours, you should really consider doing voice over work. Heck, ,I'd send some recordable books to you and pay you to record the story. Lol. You have a voice that calls the attention of children just by your natural tone. Then, you have this ability to alter it in just the right way to engage them in your story or conversation. Your voice is soothing and safe. You could be speaking to a group of kids, but your tone would make each of them feel like your only talking to them. I amazing this was a priceless gift you have to Gavin during your days in the hospital with him...whispering in his ears.
    Voice over work Kate...it may be your calling. :-)

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  100. Brian is going to be a great big brother! He is too precious!

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  101. LOVE IT! Especially that sweet baby doll he picked for Hope! Just confirms, you're doing in ALL RIGHT!

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  102. Love the pink baby dolly Brian picked for baby sister Hope ! My son picked out a pink baseball glove to play catch with his little sister. I love Brian's excitement ....Kate you and Ed have told Brian in the most beautiful and loving way about his new baby sister and including big brother Gavin in the shopping trip was the frosting on the cake!! It's time to Celebrate and bring some sunshine into that pink room with all those beautiful butterflies for Gavin to watch over and protect his new little sister and little brother Brian too <3 Love & hugs Granny B from Minnesota.

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  103. That was sheer magic. What a precious moment. Yay for Brian! Please enjoy every minute of your pregnancy journey, God knows you deserve to. After the rain, comes a rainbow- in the form of a beautiful daughter, Hope. Your family is truly special. Hope is a lucky girl indeed. I could almost feel Gavin smiling as he watched Brian's reaction. God bless you all.

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  104. So very sweet. You couldn't have done it better!

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  105. You did a perfect job. Have been praying for you and will continue to do so. Can't wait to see pictures of Hope next December.

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  106. Like so many of your posts, this makes me well up with tears and a smile. :) You're awesome and so is Brian! The little girl inside of you is very lucky to have such a loving family!

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  107. Kate, I have huge respect for you. I can hear the love in your voice, and I can see the joy in Brian's eyes.

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  108. Kate, I started following your blog on May 1st when you shared your story on Momastery and I sat sobbing on my living room floor after reading the post-script to your original post. It's a privilege and honor for all of us who have met you through this blog and are being blessed and taught by your family's journey. When Michael Vitez wrote his piece on you, I realized we live less than 2 hours from each other. Then on Saturday, I found myself in your town for a wedding. Passing through, I couldn't help be reminded that this was where you lived and I was compelled again to pray for you and your family, particularly on that day. Now that I read your post, I see what a special day Saturday was for you. So thankful for the wisdom you and your husband found in how to tell Brian the news, and so thankful for his beautiful response. You continue to be in my prayers.

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  109. Kate, I believe you came up with the absolute perfect way to tell that sweet little boy of yours!!!

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    1. I totally wrote "David" instead of "Ed" - what a goob!!!

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  111. Okay, I'm hugely irritated that you even had to put the PS on the end. With that said...I LOVE the way you told Brian, and I love the celebratory purchase of her first toy! I think it was a wonderful way to tell him. To be honest, it's always hard to tell the older siblings when they're getting a younger sibling, there are always unknown feelings. The timing of Hope is just an added hurdle in your situation, but I think you and Ed did an amazing job at telling Brian. :) Hugs to you all!!

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  112. Gavin set the bar pretty high in terms of big brother-ing, but this post shows that Brian learned well and ready for the job! God bless your precious family!

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  113. I was smiling from ear to ear. :) It was perfect.

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  114. So beautiful. Blessings to your family. Can't wait to "meet" Hope. Congrats!

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  115. What a beautiful, beautiful video of Brian's response... and a beautiful way to tell him the news. PERFECT.

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  116. This video made me cry! It was so sweet!! Thanks for sharing this :)

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  117. This was simply beautiful and heart warming to watch the joy in Brian's eyes as they lit up with excitement!! Both Gavin and Brian will be awesome big brother's for baby Hope! Blessings to you and your whole family ~ your strength is astounding to me and from one mother to another I commend you for how you handle everything with such grace! God Bless You!!! XOXO

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  118. So many of God's blessings to your entire family, here on earth and up in Heaven :)

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  119. I couldn't Have Done It Any Better! You Are An Inspiration To So Many! How You Stay Strong No Matter What The Situation. God Bless You & Your Beautiful Family!!!

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  120. I don't think there could've been any better way to tell him, it was priceless!

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  121. I think it was absolutely beautiful the way you told him - you know your son better than anyone else. He is just adorable and it was wonderful seeing how happy he was with the news. :-)

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  122. Awww, what's not to love about that?! Beautiful!

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  123. Kate I have never commented but check your blog daily. I watched this video the first day you posted and loved it and his reaction (such a kind innocent soul). Today I am not in the greatest of moods and while I went to hour page didn't see an update and thought...I will watch Brian again. Made me smile just like the first time. You and Ed are terrific parents and Gavin, Brian, Darcy and Hope are all lucky to have you. Best of luck.

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  124. Kate, I have been following your blog since shortly after Gavin was admitted to the hospital for his "final" stay. You are nothing short of amazing and have handled things with such dignity and grace. It truly angers and saddens me that you would have to ask people to refrain from mean spirited posts about how you chose to share the news with Brian!! Until ANYONE has walked in your shoes, they have no room to judge. (and as your internet search showed, no one HAS walked in your shoes). I was raised that if you have nothing nice to say then shut the hell up! Too bad more people weren't raised that way! I was truly touched by your video and Brian's reaction. He was so genuinely excited that it took my breath away! Thank you so much for sharing with us! As always, thinking of you and sending love and prayers!

    Lori in Boston

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  125. well, it's been a while since you made me cry Kate, but I'm happy to say these were tears of joy. I love your family.

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  126. I think the way you told him was wonderful. You made it very positive and hopeful in a way that conveyed what a gift and blessing a child is. I don't know why anyone would say mean things about it? If they do, they're just trolls. Ignore and delete them. You don't need or deserve that.

    I did *worry* (please understand - this is NOT a judgment) as you started, that focusing on being lonely because Gavin died and then announcing the baby *could* sound like a replacement to a four year old. BUT you know your child, and what works. And I can't possibly begin to fathom what it is like to have to have these conversations... and obviously it did work beautifully, and who are any of us to judge?

    I'm glad he's happy to be a big brother and will keep you in my prayers.

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  127. Not only do I think it would be mean of people to criticize you over this, I can't see HOW they could - you handled it really well and it sounds like a very special moment. And I've never seen an older sibling so excited over a baby!

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