Today was the big day. Ed and I told Brian he was going to be a big brother!!!
We just couldn't keep it a secret from him anymore. With my belly growing day by day and purchases being made and even the chance that he'd hear it from someone else... we thought it was time. We have been honest and upfront about everything else since Gavin's death. But... I have agonized over this. I was fearful of telling him too soon for obvious reasons. But then I thought, if I have decided to put my fears aside and believe this baby born - why should I be fearful at all? I worried, too, about the way we told him. I had every anxiety imaginable - that he'd think we were "replacing" Gavin... or that he would be "replaced"... or that he'd HATE the idea. I seriously spent four days researching the internet for stories that matched ours. You know, a woman with multiple pregnancy losses... the loss of a daughter... then the loss of a five year old... then finding out on the day the five year old died that she was pregnant... and had to tell the surviving four year old there would be a new sibling.
Yeah, there's no one like us. *sigh*
So, I thought and thought and thought. And I asked Gavin to help me. You'll see in this video what I came up with... and what Brian thought of the whole thing. And, you'll also notice that Brian is sitting in Hope's nursery with her bedding and curtains behind her... and the butterflies from Gavin's funeral. Enjoy...
As promised, we immediately left after the big announcement to Toys R Us to celebrate. Brian predictably picked out a Star Wars toy - and then we headed straight to the baby section. That's when this happened...
I think everything is going to be just fine.
Next, we headed to the mall to throw pennies in the fountain. My way to include Gavin in our celebration. After all, he's getting to be a big brother, too. And we all know he's really good at it.
p.s. - If you happen to disagree with the way I told Brian, please keep it to yourself. This is a HUGELY sensitive topic for me - and I invested so much emotional energy into what to say. It will crush me to read any mean spirited or divisive comments about this. Thanks.