Sunday, July 21, 2013

Grateful Distractions...

The Royal Baby Arrived!!!!!

At least in my town it did!  On Friday I had the nicest visit from this little Princess...
Miss Sarah Renee Harmdierks was born on July 11th to our good friends, Melissa and Drew.  It was really wild to have a little tiny infant in my house - and my arms - again.  She is beautiful.  Brian was a little nervous and asked me later, "Mama?  Why was baby Sarah crying?  Maybe she wanted one of my toys."  All I could think was... get used to that!  Both the crying - and a little sister wanting to play with your toys!

Saturday evening the three of us (I hate writing that) went to my brother and sister-in-law's house for a birthday party!  My twin nephews, Tommy and Aidan turned nine - and they share their birthday with their Dad!
Being in their house was a little tough for me.  Last time I was at Gavin's Godfather's house was Christmas.  Brian was sick so I went with Gavin and it was such a special night for us.
Gavin had a lot of fun with his little cousin, Isabella, that night... it did make me smile to see Brian and Bella having a great time yesterday.  I'm sure Gavin was there laughing right along with them as they mischievously ran through the automatic lawn sprinklers in their clothes!!
Lucky for me, Brian has older cousins that gave him a new outfit for the rest of the night.
Brian had such a great time - and we didn't get him to bed until ten o'clock which is SO late for him!  I'm not sure who was more exhausted, to be honest - him or me.  Crying at night makes for tough days sometimes.  And that's what I've been doing all weekend.  I am just really missing my little boy so much.  Which is why I was so grateful for the fun distractions this weekend.

Like today!

Granny treated me and the triplets - Shannon, Brendan and Claire - to a show in Philadelphia!
We took the train into the city and went to see Wicked - one of my favorite musicals! 
I cried most of the way through it - and bawled during the curtain call.  This is pretty normal for me when I see musicals.  I can't help myself.  But today it was also an excuse to cry some more about Gavin.  And hearing the song that always makes me think of him definitely put me over the edge.  (Sorry to those around me at the theater!)

Here is the song, "For Good," sung by my two favorites - Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel.  Listen to the words and tell me this isn't the perfect song about Gavin...

After I dropped everyone off, I stalled coming home tonight.  I couldn't hold it together and was hoping I could arrive home after Brian was safely tucked in bed.  I ended up driving to the Kindergarten Center.  Gavin was set to begin Kindergarten there on August 26th.  I should be shopping for new clothes for my big Kindergartener and maybe even a new lunchbox.  Instead I am shopping for brand new baby things all over again.  My life feels upside down, joyful and at times, very confusing.  I sat in my car and cried and cried.  

It is truly amazing how your life can turn on a dime.  I'm doing my best to balance myself on that dime - and sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't.  But it's all part of the process, I guess.  I just take every day - every emotion - every up and every down as it comes.

And sometimes I look for, long for and am grateful for those distractions.  Like coming home to a wide awake Brian who wanted me to tuck him in.  Despite it all, I remain one very lucky and grateful Mommy.


  1. hugs to you. Our lives are very complicated here. But you highlight the joy in every day. Thank you.

  2. Glad you got in some nice distractions. I'm super jealous that you got to see Wicked... I love that show! You're very right about "For Good" being perfect for Gavin. I never met him and it's very true for me. The little Superhero! ~Love and light, Mary in SC

  3. I'm so glad he waited up for you. I'm not sure why, but that's the best part for me.

  4. perfect song. left me with tears in my eyes. hugs and prayers to you kate. hugs and prayers and lots of love.

  5. What a cute baby. It's okay to cry sometimes and sometimes it's even okay to cry in front of Brian by doing that you're showing him it's okay to be sad.

  6. Oh, I know better than to watch that video here at my work desk - it gets me every single time!

    Thinking of you and your family. xoxo

  7. I lost my Mom in May and the loss I feel took me by surprise. And I can't even compare that to the loss of a child. I'm so very sorry and my heart hurts for you. I try very hard to make sense of this world, but sometimes it just doesn't seem fair!! Then, I think about Hope and it seems to balance out my feelings a bit. Praying for you...and Brian...and Hope...and Ed...and Gavin. How can we feel so destroyed and so very blessed at the same time? Love and hugs from Arkansas!


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