Monday, May 6, 2013

Project Hope...

I want to tell you a little story.

The morning of my 43rd birthday, April 14th, I woke up in bed next to Gavin and was overcome with emotion.  I knew that this was the day that we would be told that Gavin was gone. As I held his hand and stared into his beautiful face... I was just overcome with an overwhelming feeling.

That feeling has since been confirmed.  Multiple times.

This is Project Hope:

(I thought I had it in focus - but it was hard to tell through my tears.  You get the idea, though)
The day we got home from the hospital, April 15th, Ed and I took a home test and... sure enough... positive.  We stood there for what seemed like an hour.  Shocked.  Stunned.  Scared.  Overwhelmed.  This was definitely a surprise.

It is still very early.  This morning we saw the heartbeat and I felt like I was able to breathe again.  But with 9 miscarriages and a stillbirth behind us, we are cautiously optimistic.  I am trying not to think too much that "this baby was sent from Heaven!" - because it would be a devastating loss if things didn't work out.  This is also an impossible project for me to hide.

But the biggest reason I am sharing this news is because of all of you.  There is so much positive energy coming our way from each and every one of you.  There are so many heartfelt and steadfast prayers coming our way, too, and we need them.  We need them now more than ever.

Welcome to the rollercoaster that is my life.  If you're planning on sticking around, I suggest that you buckle up.

Please helps us HOPE this baby born next December.



287 comments:

  1. Holy moly!!1 Lots of prayers and love....

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    1. So exciting....cant wait to see Gods plan....

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  2. Love, hope and prayers. Oh my goodness. I can not even imagine.

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  3. Oh my goodness! Congratulations! I'll certainly be sticking around for the ride and staying hopeful with you as this project progresses!

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  4. Oh my gosh!!!! I'm so cautiously optimistic about this! I don't think I was ever this excited (and emotional) about my own pregnancies!

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  5. PRAYING for you always and even more now! xo from Florida

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  6. Oh my goodness! Hoping, praying and wishing all the best for this little one!

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  7. Oh my Lord!!! I had to take my hand away from my mouth to start typing :) sending you so many positive thoughts and prayers from NJ, this is the most amazing news!!! I swear you couldnt make this stuff up! Buckled up and ready !!! What did your dad always say? Keep the Faith.

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  8. I am buckled in for the ride. I send e-hugs!

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  9. I am sending everything I can from my little corner of the world so that this little bean can join your family to be loved and love in return. What a timing!

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  10. Sending you prayers from the Philippines! I am at a loss for words - just in awe at how God works! Will be praying for a safe and healthy pregnancy. You have loads of prayer warriors behind you.

    HOPE. <3

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  11. So, I've been wanting to share this with you, for sometime now, and, looks like it's that time. When my Dad passed away, this passage brought me to that place you spoke of, where I could breathe again.

    Sending positive thoughts, prayers, and general good vibery your way..take care..

    Ephesians 5

    "...when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible,for anything that becomes visible is light.

    Therefore it says,
    “Awake, O sleeper,
    and arise from the dead,
    and Christ will shine on you.”

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  12. Many prayers and good thoughts your way! God has a plan we often question and wish we knew but it is His plan!

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  13. absolutely stunning. there are just no other words for it.

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  14. In tears of joy for you...and with God's love putting his arms around and keeping safe, sustained, and in peace...congratulations.

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  15. OH MY GOD! There are just no words! Sending lots and lots of prayers! What a miracle!

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  16. Tears!! Amazing. Breathe!!!!

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  17. Congratulations Kate! In the storm there is always a light. Many prayers for you as this new roller coaster gets under way while you're still dealing with the loss of Gavin!

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  18. WOW!!! All the positive thoughts and prayers I got are coming your way, for a healthy pregnancy.

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  19. Kate....really, when does the Lifetime movie come out??!!!
    Amazing. I had to read this tiwce. So many prayers your way from all of us out here.

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  20. You have my prayers that this little peanut "Project Hope" comes into this world healthy and happy in December. What a blessing for you all!

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  21. Forever in my prayers .Buckled in for the ride

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  22. Amazing.....and her name could be Hope Faith many blessing and positive energy :)

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  23. Goosebumps! Good luck.

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  24. Congratulations. May God by you and your family's guide during this time and forever. I'll be saying extra prayers for you all. Again, Congratulations on this precious miracle.

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  25. Oh wow, how wonderful! Congratulations!!!! I'll be sending you LOTS and lots and lots of hope & prayers.

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  26. I got chills all throughout my body! I am one of those individuals sending you the most positive energy and light I can! This is amazing and I will be praying for your miracle to be healthy and grow strong! What a journey you are on Kate! :)

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  27. Prayers and positive thoughts are with you at this exciting time!! I know you have a long road ahead, but I'm hoping it's a smooth one!! Be sure to take care of yourself!! Brian and Project Hope need you to do that!! God Bless!!

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  28. Thrilled for you and definately praying!

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  29. Oh my goodness!! This is truly a gift from above! Congratulations and prayers for a healthy pregnancy and baby. Amazing!

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  30. Praying for an "uneventful" pregnancy! How amazing for your family. Sending you much love from Indianapolis!

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  31. Shock indeed! Project Hope here we all come. All of us hoping and praying along with you.

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  32. Wow , amazing , I have followed your blog, been blown away by your faith, honesty and courage, God Bless you, and your family, many thoughts prayers your way , Gloria from Ohio

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  33. Holy cow! I seriously have goose bumps as I read this! Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way! Congratulations!

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  34. God and Gavin are obviously still at work in your life! While this new hope will never ease your pain, it is a beautiful reminder that you have so much to look forward to in your life. I will be praying for you and this new little nugget! WOW! WOW is all I can say!

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  35. Absolutely beautiful, best wishes and prayers for your family with this journey!

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  36. Kate!!! Are you kidding?? This is amazing! You will have 20,000 new friends praying for you and Ed. Thank you for trusting your readers with this precious news. You really are chasing those rainbows!

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  37. I will keep you, your HOPE, and your family in my prayers. You are so incredibly strong and no matter what, God has big plans for you. I will pray for strength. And peace. And love. And mercy. And grace. And healing.

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  38. EEEK!! Squeals of joy for you over here.

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  39. Sending lots and lots of prayers!! Thinking of you :)

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  40. While I will "hope" with you ... I'm going to thank God for this miracle and CLAIM this blessing as His truth! Blessings upon you all!

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  41. Kate, this is so amazing!!!! Tears of joy and hope are steaming down my face! SO SO many prayers coming your way <3

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  42. There isn't a DOUBT in my mind that Gavin worked a little magic! I am so happy for you...I am sitting here with tears streaming down my cheeks! I will be praying for you and Project Hope for smooth sailing! Sending you a huge cyber hug and and even bigger congratulations!!!

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  43. Prayers and more prayers :) :) :)

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  44. Kate, I am not a scripture quoter in general...I am just very private about what I read. But Matthew 6:26-30 keeps cropping up in my life and it may give you some comfort and HOPE

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  45. Holding your family up in prayers every day - now and forever...

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  46. Well, I was NOT expecting that!!!!!!! Couldn't be happier or more full of positive vibes for you xxxx

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  47. that's amazing. I will pray for you

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  48. WOW! Gavin and Darcy Claire are together having big belly laughs filled with joy right about now, I'm guessing. You are in my prayers (as are Ed and Brian). Thought this quotes was fitting:
    " Live, then, and be happy, beloved children of my heart, and never forget, that until the day God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words, 'Wait and Hope.”
    ― Alexandre Dumas

    Here's to HOPE!

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  49. Oh my goodness! Tears are slipping down my cheeks. Looks like I'll be adding one more precious soul to my prayers! God bless your beautiful family!

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  50. This made me cry. Aww, Kate. I am so happy for you. I will pray for this baby, and your family. Gavin's story has touched my heart. Thank you for sharing this incredible journey you are on.

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  51. whoop! whoop!

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  52. I'm thrilled to be crying tears of joy this morning. Thank you, Jesus!

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  53. I just started following your journey (from Momastery), but I was so devastated for you, and now so very hopeful. You deserve this. All my prayers and I adore your blog and your outlook. You're an inspiration.

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  54. Congrats! Thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  55. I am sending my prayers, love, hope and joy to you. God always has a plan.

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  56. Oh my GOSH!!! Sending loads and loads of prayers your way for a happy and healthy nine months with a bundle of baby joy in December!

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  57. Wow, Gavin is amazing, isn't he?! You don't think this is a coincidence.. I call it divine intervention! And nobody deserves being able to breathe again more than you. I will be praying and following right along with every ounce of positive energy I have. xoxo

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  58. Oh my goodness!!!! Big huge congrats and prayers your way. I am aboard project hope and will definitely be along for the journey. Praying for you guys, wow!!!! So glad you shared. What a surprise! In such pain, and such joy, what a roller coaster indeed.

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  59. Oh WOW!!!!!! Hoping and praying. And hoping.

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  60. That is incredible news and we're all here hoping the very best for you and your family. I can't imagine the amount of stress this will bring for you and Ed since things are so difficult right now, but if anyone can handle it, you two can. Wishing you health, luck, and love!

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  61. Crying tears of happiness for you and Ed and Brian. May God and Gavin watch over you and your little peanut. Praying for you and the child to be born of you. I am totally on board for Project Hope! SO happy for you!

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  62. God is SO good. Always. Praying HARD.

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  63. What an impossible situation to be in, to be grieving one child, while hoping for/carrying another. I can't imagine the roller coaster of emotions you must be on!

    I'm sure you've heard of Heather Spohr, but in case you haven't, she had a pregnancy soon after the loss of her Maddie, it might be a great resource for you as you find your new normal. http://www.thespohrsaremultiplying.com/

    Anyway, that long winded comment is mostly to say, congratulations, and please know that we will be with you every step of the way, as you enter into this new journey.

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  64. Congrats Kate, Ed and Brian!!! Wow That was suprising news! I'll pray for your little one to be born!

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  65. After having gone thru miscarriages & infertility treatments to conceive, I could not be happier for you, but totally understand where you are coming from. Prayers that Gavin's guiding light sends this healthy hapoy child to you all.

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  66. Gavin and God didn't want you to grieve long....He wanted you to continue with your amazing Mommy skills even when God wanted Gavin back in His arms. It looks like you have many Prayer Warriors sending you positive thoughts and loving prayers including ME!

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  67. WOW.... I am speechless.. stunned... sooo happy for your family. The Lord has blessed you amidst your grief. Sending you love daily......

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  68. Day by day. Small steps, I know you will embrace each day! You re in my prayers.

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  69. Prayers and good thoughts for you and your family as you embark on this leg of the journey!! Congrats to you!

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  70. OMG this journal entry makes me soo happy, after weeks of sadness I am so excited for good news. I will be hoping and praying this little peanut sticks and though it could never replace gavin, it could give you more to love and more enrichment to your life. congrats!

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  71. My dear Kate, would you believe when I was praying for you the other night I had a sense about pregnancy and my prayers were directed in this regard. All I have is love for you and your family, praying daily constantly. Jennifer (Juniper).

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  72. This is crazy but I was thinking of you the other day driving in my car and out of no where I thought to myself "I bet they are going to have an unplanned pregnancy." I don't know why I thought it and I can't believe I log on here and see that you are pregnant and I am so happy and thrilled for you and your family, I will send you positive thoughts and prayers that everything will go smoothly. I am buckled in and ready to ride along with you on "Project Hope"!!

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  73. Amazing....This is the best news I've heard in a while. Sending you many prayer and positive energy...wow!!

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  74. How exciting for you and the rest of your beautiful family. Certainly this is not to replace what you have loss, but a definate GAIN to what you have now. Congratulations!

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  75. Congratulations Kate! Praying for a healthy baby with a delightfully uneventful pregnancy and delivery. As a sonographer, there is nothing better than seeing that little flutter and watching the mother's face as they realize they are seeing their baby's heartbeat! (Although as a mother who has also experienced miscarriages, my own heart seems to stop while I search for it.) Thank you for sharing such a personal moment and I hope you can feel the love as so many are praying for your family and now for Project Hope.

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  76. I got a text this morning from my bff...."chasing rainbows is pregnant" I got chills..I came straight here and read with tears in my eyes Im so happy for you! Cautiously optimistic as you say with lots and lots of prayers! God bless you all!

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  77. I had to read your post twice. The first time through I thought, "Wait...what the..." And then I read again. All I could think was, 'Holy crap on a cracker!' I'm now sitting here , tearing up, full of joy and so happy for you! Much love to you and your family!

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  78. Hang on a sec while I pick up my mouth off of the floor. I LOVE this. Thank you so much for sharing with us. I know you must be walking on eggshells, but my first prayers will be for peace for you. My continuing prayers will be for a healthy and strong baby and Mommy. I just know that God has so much more to teach all of us through your family. I pray that we all get to meet here in 7 months or so for a huge celebration of prayers answered and God's miracle baby.

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  79. Team Hope here!! Buckling up for the ride, but hoping it's the smoothest one you've ever experienced!!

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  80. Wow. So happy to read this. Scary too with all of your earlier troubles. However, I wanted to share with you that had a happy healthy baby at 42 who is currently a happy little toddler. I spent the first several months anticipating a miscarriage, but it didn't happen. HOPING HOPING HOPING the same for you. What can I do? What will make you feel the vibe of health and hope? Light a candle? Say a prayer? Write a joke on your wall every day just to give you an excuse to smile? Let me know. HOPING HOPING HOPING for you.

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  81. Oh My Gosh! Cried last night with you, cried this morning thinking about your blog from yesterday, and now crying for such a blessing! My eyes are so darn puffy! But God and Gavin have quite the plan. I'm buckling in, because I'm not leaving your side! (And I'm hitting the publish/send button again)

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  82. PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!! Oh Kate Oh Kate Oh Kate!!!! Congratulatios to you and Ed and Brian! OMG! You will be welcoming this baby into a HUGE family of love!!!

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  83. Sending as many good thoughts and prayers that I can for all of you!

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  84. Sending you much love and best wishes! I came to your blog via Momastery and have been quietly following you and shedding many, many tears over your words and devastating losses. And I will remain here - quietly sending all the positivity, hope, and love I can in any way I can, for as long as I can.

    Signed,
    Buckled In

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  85. Every time I read one of your posts, I am overwhelmed with emotion. Meeting Gavin online, then saying goodbye, constantly being inspired and thinking lately lots about him.... crying with your tears entwined in your posts... and now... sharing HOPE. Hugs and love

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  86. Seriously...jaw. on. the. floor. And many, many prayers sent up, through tears of joy for you. Will continue to pray vigorously for this baby!

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  87. Ohmygosh!! Sending many good thoughts and vibes your way!

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  88. Hope is such a beautiful thing to have. Congratulations!! Wishing you and the baby nothing but good health!! xo

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  89. HOPE HOPE HOPE HOPE HOPE HOPE HOPING for you, Ed and Brian!

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  90. Wonderful news!! Many, many good thoughts and prayers your way!!

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  91. I just got chills. Wishing and praying for good HOPE!!

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  92. Joyful!! And lots of hope and continued prayers for you and your dear little family.

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  93. The mysteries of life are a beautiful thing.

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  94. Kate-may you be surrounded by the comforting white light of god/the creator/the universe. My thoughts and prayers will continue to be with you now more than ever. Having survived the roller coaster of miscarriage myself I pray that you will one day arrive at a place of peace with all of the varied emotions you will experience in the coming weeks. Hugs to you and your family. Namaste.

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  95. Just got chills here too....Sending you and your family prayers and best wishes.

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  96. Like so many others, tears of joy for you. Praying and hoping right along with you and so many others that have grown to love you and your precious family.

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  97. Miraculous! I am hoping and praying for this baby and as always, for you and your family. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!!

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  98. Kate - OMG! Hoping, hoping, hoping... Sending even more positive thoughts and support your way. (BTW, December is an absolutely awesome month to be born!)

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  99. This is such incredible news! Thank you, as always, for sharing with us. Now you have at least 20,000 hearts FULL of HOPE to buoy you. Those 20,000 hearts buckled in and riding shotgun with you. Sending you and your so much love and hope.

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  100. I am in tears...tears of JOY for you and your family! You (and your little "peanut") will be in my prayers daily! God Bless You Kate!

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  101. Oh this is AWESOME-- prayers for you!

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  102. OH MY GOODNESS!!! So much love coming your way!!

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  103. O.M.G. I seriously just caught myself holding my breath while reading this. Chills up and down. Good grief girl. Praying. Praying. And praying some more. <3

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  104. !!!!!That is AMAZING!!!!! I love your blog and story. I pray for your family and for the incredible journey that you have been on. I have read your posts everyday for several weeks now and look forward to reading daily in the future! WOW!!!!! :O

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  105. Hope is being sent your way. And some love too.

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  106. Wow! It's not enough to say congratulations. There are no words. As a Mom who's last baby was born 4 years to the date of the day her big sister went to Heaven, I can relate to all of this on a very small scale. Sometimes it's just more than we can wrap our little human brains around. I'll be praying for a happy, peaceful and healthy 9 months.

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  107. Kate - congratulations!!!! You so deserve this. Sending you prayers from Tampa for this amazing news. May God bless you and your family

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  108. I just cried and cried when I saw this. I hope this works for you. Having been through multiple IVF failure and stillbirth as well...I know how hard it can be. But, I hope this little soul stays with you with all my heart.

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  109. Oh. My. Goodness. Tears streaming down my face. I know there's a little boy in heaven who must have arranged this! Congratulations- I hope this little miracle stays around!

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  110. This is amazing news, our God knows what he's doing any never makes mistakes.

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  111. What amazing news! This was all part of the plan. You are so special and so is your family here and in heaven.

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  112. Wow....that is all I can really think of at this moment. So happy and excited for you. I will continue to pray for you and your family, and now for the new life you have created. God is definitely watching over you :)

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  113. WOW! It's going to be just fine. Whatever is meant to happen is going to happen whether we worry or not. So, we'll just pray. And pray and pray and pray. It's crazy how things work out! Sending you all the good thoughts I can.

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  114. I got my miracle baby girl, Elizabeth Anna, six years after her big sister was born...four years after being told that IVF would be the only way to have another child (not an option for us)... and after two years of nightly prayers from the big sister for a baby brother/sister... and after 3 months of cutting out Gluten from my diet... maybe that's just a coincidence but there is some theory for gluten/infertility/miscarriage connection... (just throwing that out there for you to ponder)... but, mostly, nothing is impossible for God! Continued prayers for your whole family! :)

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  115. Buckled up & PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING!!!! And if she turns out to be a girl... I think HOPE is a beautiful name!! LOL.. Congrats... Let's go!! December... Counting down with you!!! XOXOXOX

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  116. I have absolutely no words to say to you to explain the amount of joy I feel for you and your family right now. I know I speak for everyone on here when I saw we will pray for you and your family and of course Project Hope. After all, he or she has the best guardian angels :-)

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  117. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! The hair on my arms is standing straight up. Praying. Hard. I mean like really, really, really, hard.

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  118. A rainbow baby! I'm sending warm thoughts your way and am honored you are allowing us to take this ride with you.

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  119. Oh Kate how wonderful. My thought and prayers are with you, Ed and Brian on this journey. Team Project Hope for the win!!!!

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  120. I have been a silent reader over these past several weeks as I've learned about you and your family and all of the experiences you have shared together. But after reading this post (I had to read it a couple of times to really get what you were saying), I just had to say CONGRATULATIONS on your Hope Project! What a truly amazing blessing you and your family have been given. I look forward to continuing this journey with you.

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  121. At first I thought you were showing us Gavin's sonogram... holy cow! Congratulations to you, Ed, and Brian! Sending HOPE from Florida, and can't wait to be pregnant again through you. At least I won't have to buy new clothes. :)

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  122. ?!?!?!?!................... prayer... check.... can't think of much else right now, my brain is swimming in a delirious pool of grief and joy for you. Prayer.... Check.

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  123. Love and light and hope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So much hope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And of course PRAYER.

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  124. Congratulations any all the best wishes. Prayers and blessings are going your way daily.

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  125. What an awesome way for Gavin to send you a reminder that it is time for YOU to take care of YOU for a while!! You have spent your every waking moment caring for your little superhero, putting your kids and others before yourself, and now is time for you! Sending tons of prayers and positive energy for the best present to arrive this December! :)

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  126. Oh Kate! Congratulations to you and Ed! And to big brother Brian! One thing that I think it beautiful as well is that Gavin will get to meet this baby before you, Ed and Brian--and with all each and every one of us learned about Gavin, this baby will be touched by him, kissed by him, and hugged by him. I am sure Gavin is delighting in each one of his siblings who are with him in heaven.
    Our prayers will be with you as your pregnancy progresses. May the Lord work a glorious miracle in you and with this baby!

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  127. Wishing you experience the pregnancy we all deserve, full of confidence and the ability to enjoy, free from doubts that creep in when you've been through so much. We'll hold our breath for you, you get to exhale today.

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    1. This is so well said. This is exactly what I wish for - for you as well...though, knowing first hand how difficult it is to come by after much loss.

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  128. wow. thats just amazing..god works in mysterious ways! as we say on the fertility blogs.."sticky vibes n praying that your bean sticks". i know it will, you so deserve this! :)

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  129. I just got the chills! Wonderful news! So happy for you. Best wishes coming from all of us here!

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  130. Sending those sticky vibes to you and your family across the ocean. Sending love and keeping you all in my prayers. What an amazing family you are. x

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  131. Gavin brought us to you...was he creating a support net for his family including young brother/sister? who knows... we are with you, today we are very happy for you.
    We are expecting our first to be born in August :)

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  132. Kate I think you have found the perfect name for this new little miracle. It has always been said.....When two or more are gathered in my name......I think those two would be Darcy and Gavin for sure!! Ed and you are very strong in your Faith and of course so very much in LOVE.....well what better time than now for ...HOPE to come shining through to the both of you. God is opening a new window for you and Ed and let this HOPE shine as bright and strong as ever from above <3<3<3

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  133. I had to read this twice....so exciting...Gavin sent you this little miracle..im also along for the ride..

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  134. I've only been following your blog for a few weeks, but I wanted to say that I am so happy for you and your family. I pray that this pregnancy is a blessing to you during this time and that the hope of new life will take root in your heart. Here's to hope.

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  135. AMAZING, GAVIN WENT SHOPPING AT THE BABY STORE IN HEAVEN AND PICKED YOU OUT A VERY SPECIAL PRESENT AND MAYBE HE WILL HAVE ONE OF GOD'S ANGELS BRING IT AS A CHRISTMAS PRESENT, CONGRADS, CONGRADS

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  136. On my word! How awesome! When I looked your journal up today and saw that beautiful ultrasound picture, I could not believe what I was seeing. I am so happy for you. I will pray for a healthy pregnancy. I will continue to pray for God's comfort over the loss of Gavin. What a special little boy. God Bless You!

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  137. Hoping and praying. Sending you love from Chicago.

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  138. Exciting, Heart full wishes to you. have a healthy and safe pregnancy. Miracles do happen.. once again proved...

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  139. “Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”
    ― Shel Silverstein

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  140. “I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.”
    ― Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten

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  141. “The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.”
    ― Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams

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  142. When I read this post, I literally burst into tears of joy for you!

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  143. Awww Beautiful Kate! I am sending you many many vibes for the best pregnancy. Let it fill your broken heart with all of Gavins love. I am sure he sent back to you, the only way he could. Congrats to you and the family. I wish you only the best of luck. <3
    Love from Ohio
    April

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  144. “to love life, to love it even
    when you have no stomach for it
    and everything you've held dear
    crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
    your throat filled with the silt of it.
    When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
    thickening the air, heavy as water
    more fit for gills than lungs;
    when grief weights you like your own flesh
    only more of it, an obesity of grief,
    you think, How can a body withstand this?
    Then you hold life like a face
    between your palms, a plain face,
    no charming smile, no violet eyes,
    and you say, yes, I will take you
    I will love you, again.”
    ― Ellen Bass

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  145. The second I understood what you were telling us, I burst into tears and they are still flowing. I have only been here since Gavin went into the hospital...thanks to Glennon. A long time ago I committed myself to praying for the Meltons every day and now I am committing that to the Leongs as well....but really that started the first day. God bless you!

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  146. I am holding my breathe and hoping and praying for the outcome that we would see in that Lifetime movie.

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  147. KATE!!!!! I am freaking out!!! In Jesus name, I pray this pregnancy sticks!!! So happy for you and Ed and Brian.

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  148. Oh WOW!!! Just WOW!!! What lovely news :D Congratulations to you both and I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy xxx

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  149. Your family will be in my prayers. If you haven't read Heaven is for Real, please do! God is AWESOME!

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  150. I couldn't think of a better project - you're still chasing those rainbows! Your entry has made my day. Love and wishes from New Zealand x

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  151. I truely believe Gavin played a hand in giving you HOPE! all strapped in and buckled up for this new amazing ride! So many prayers and love going out from me to you Kate, Ed and Brian!
    Elaina

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  152. Oh my goodness! Sending so much love and positive thoughts your way. You deserve so much happiness. Thinking of you and your precious boys. Sarah in the UK xxxx

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  153. Oh Kate, I am speechless... and overjoyed and amazed.. well she better be a girl, cuz it's going to be funny having a son named Hope. Prayers and hugs and love to you all!!

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  154. I started reading your blog after your Mama-Story was posted on Momastery.com and I have to confess that I deleted my subscription to it when I read the first line of your post earlier this morning (noting that it is 3 weeks to the day since Gavin's death). I was feeling like there wasn't room in my day, every day, to read your personal and, honestly, sad stories. I clicked on the link to this post after my curiosity was piqued when Momastery linked to it on Facebook ... and I've since reactivated my subscription. I am shaking my head in awe of your circumstances!

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  155. Happy tears for you!

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  156. I am overcome with joy for you all!!! Lifting you up in prayer and hoping your feel much contentment and peace from it. Congrats Mama!

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  157. Praying, praying, praying for you.

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  158. !!!!!
    Sending prayers!

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  159. Congrats! how amazing and wonderful this news is! Praying for Project Hope endlessly! Look forward to hearing many great stories to come!!!

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  160. Profoundly happy for you. And hoping with all my heart.

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  161. Tears of joy and prayers for you!

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  162. My tears for you are out of sadness for you and also joy...for both your loss and this new life. I pray for you and your family....may you know peace, healing, and health in the days ahead.

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  163. WOW - that is awesome. Praying for Project Hope!!!

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  164. This is the very first time I have EVER commented on a blog. I have been following your story for the last couple of weeks. I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your precious Gavin. I just read your news and wow!! This is a part of God's plan. I pray this pregnancy goes smoothly. Your baby and your whole family will always have a special guardian angel looking over. Many blessings to you!

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  165. Wow wow wow!!!! I just can't imagine how your brain is handling both extreme sadness & joy! Wow!! Best wishes!

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  166. Kate, you and your family continue to be in my prayers...so happy to have a new life to pray for. God is amazing.

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  167. congratulations!! sending hope and prayers for a healthy delivery!!!

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  168. I haven't stopped sniffling over your last post yet and here you are with a little heartbeat...amazing...and you do have the very best guardian angel now...congratulations on your wonderful news Kate and Ed. :)

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  169. I am a relatively new reader (found you through Momastery a few months ago) and I hang on your every beautiful word in your posts. This news is just too wonderful, I will be HOPE HOPE HOPING with you til December. Wow, just unbelievable.

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  170. Sending lots of hope from Canada.

    emily

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  171. Amazing news! HOPE HOPE HOPE. And big hugs.

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  172. amazing news!! such a blessing and miracle. so incredible to see what God is doing with your story. God bless you guys! will be praying for you all!

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  173. Sending lots of love and hope and peace your way. Amazing. :)

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  174. Absolutely amazing. I've been following you for a couple of months thanks to my wonderful sister in law. Your words and writing are both inspiring and heartbreaking. You are amazingly strong (which I know people say to you all the time). Sending positive thoughts and prayers for "Hope" and your family.

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  175. Our life as people of Spirit is learning to live into the paradoxes, standing in the "both-and" spaces. It sounds like you have been given the opportunity (again). Praying for you and your family. Peggy Vincent, a midwife who has written a beautiful book called, __Baby Catcher__ talks about Spirit Babies... sounds like you got one (I have one, too! They exist.). I recommend her book. God is good - all the time.

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  176. Chills, goosebumps and more chills. A.MA.ZING! I am another speechless poster...praying in Ohio.

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  177. Wow. Wow!!! Wow.

    I have no words! Unreal. Sooooooo happy for you guys. No matter what happens, hope lives!

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  178. Blessings from Fort Wayne Indiana! Prayers being sent your way! I too have never commented on a blog before and found you thru friends on Facebook. God does work in mysterious ways and you have 2 perfect guardian angels watching over you and Baby Hope. Tears of joy!

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  179. That is wonderful!!!! Don't you worry, this baby will be just fine. With all of the prayers,.... and Gavin watching over you...it is just meant to be. Congrats Mom and Dad and big brothers!!!! :)))

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  180. God is good! Prayers and hugs coming your way! <3

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  181. Thank you for sharing this part of your journey with your readers. Congratulations.

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  182. Wow. Just wow. I am stunned and crying and I don't even know you. I will pray for this baby, for project Hope.

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  183. Kate, have you read this story? Perhaps you already have, but if not, I hope it brings you comfort. http://lovesmomforever.blogspot.com/2012/07/spirit-babies.html

    I'm buckled up and ready for the journey.

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  184. I totally get your cautious optimism, but love that no matter what happens next, Gavin sent you the seed of hope. WOW. You have been in my prayers constantly, and I am sending so much love.

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  185. Hoping and praying, and hoping and praying, and hoping and praying....from now until December.

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  186. Once again, I will say, God works in mysterious ways. Have not stopped thinking about this. Wishing, hoping, praying, everything-ing for you and Ed.

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  187. Oh Katie. I am so excited and scared and happy and worried and overjoyed for you. As a momma with 4 miscarriages and the loss of one twin under belt, I feel like I am holding my breath for you. Sending lots of love and prayers for this little one and thinking of Gavin with you.

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  188. This Baby is so strong. So strong, to go through such a emotional and exhausting 3 weeks ad have a strong heartbeat. She(????) is there to stay.
    Congratulations!!!!!
    Alexandra

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  189. my sister was born 1 year after my brother died at 2yo. My 3yo son just saw my brothers picture on the wall of my home and said " mommy that is my best friend." My sister is a blessing (as well as my best friend) your december baby will be and some day Brian"s child will recognize his uncle Gavin as their best friend too. I am buckled in and sending as much positive energy and prayers as I am able.

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  190. Praying and hoping with you! So many prayers are coming your way. God bless you all!

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  191. Seat belt fastened!!!!!!!!!! Hopeful and optimistic!

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  192. Tears of joy for you! And chills....we learned of our own "project hope" last April and she arrived in December. She truly healed a broken place in my heart. All my HOPE that you feel the same miracle!

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  193. I do not say this lightly but I am praying for you.

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