Wednesday, May 15, 2013

I Can Hear Gavin Laughing...

It's a beautiful gift to watch Brian grieve in his own way for Gavin.  I say it's a gift because Brian is so open to talking about his brother... his death... and his feelings.  And I'm grateful that I'm here with him all the time to listen... to watch... and, quite frankly, to learn.

I could learn a lot about grieving from Brian.

On the way home from school today:

"Mama, I told my friend Aidan that I missed Gavin.  And guess what he said?  He said he missed Gavin, too.  Wasn't that nice?"

"Yeah, Brian... that was really nice of him.  I think a lot of people miss Gavin.  But I bet he misses YOU the most."

"Yeah.  I know he does."

Outside playing before lunch:

"Mama!  Take a picture of me on the bike so you can show Daddy.  He'll be so proud of me!"
Brian has had ZERO interest in riding a bike - any bike.  We've had this tricycle in the basement - which he totally outgrew after never riding it - but he wanted me to bring it up.  He's VERY proud of himself for trying it out.

"Can you mail that picture to Heaven's House?  I want Gavin to see it, too.  He'll be proud of me, too."
"Yes he will, Brian!!  I bet he's watching you right now and jumping up and down with joy!!"
After lunch:

"Mama, I'm ready to take a rest now."

"Ummm..... okay, Bri.  That's a surprise!"  I've not put him down for a nap for weeks.

"I want to go play with Gavin in his bed."

Gulp.

While zipping him into Gavin's bed at his request:

"Mama?  Why is everyone sad that Gavin died?"

"Well, it's sad when people die.  And it's especially sad when you love that person so, so much like we love Gavin.  Sometimes Mommy cries a lot because I miss Gavin so much.  And sometimes Daddy cries a lot because he misses him, too.  Do you cry?"

"No.  I don't cry.  But I miss Gavin.  Does Daddy cry because he can't tickle Gavin anymore?"


"I think that's part of it, buddy.  Daddy and Gavin used to love playing the tickle game, didn't they?"

"Mama?"

"Yes, Brian?"

"It's okay.  God is tickling Gavin in Heaven's House.  I can hear Gavin laughing from here."

"You can?  You are SO LUCKY!!  I wish I could hear Gavin laughing in Heaven!!!!!!!!!"

"You can, silly!  You just have to LISTEN!!"

"You're right, Brian.  That is good advice."

"What's advice?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This morning, after dropping Brian off at preschool, I nervously drove to the doctor.  I am so lucky that the Fertility Clinic that we went to for years is allowing me to come in for early monitoring - even though I haven't been a patient there in over a year.  It's such a relief to know everything is okay.  And today, everything was okay.  I had another glimpse of Project Hope.  Here is a video where you can see the strong heartbeat.
It was a huge relief.

And if you're looking at the video and wondering if there are two babies in there... there aren't.  The other "thing" is the yolk sac.  Just one baby.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I (with great anxiety) feel like I need to (reluctantly) address something that has been (true story) happening at least ten (usually more) times a day.

I am asked (a lot) if I will share people's Facebook pages, causes, fundraisers, blogs, businesses and more.  I'm asked to place things on my blog.  I'm asked to solicit support on my FaceBook page.  I'm asked to "Like" others pages.  It is overwhelming me... and I want to (nervously, but so, so sincerely) explain why.

I am a people pleaser and I really, really hate to say no to people.  I do.  I also love to help people - but am realizing, sadly, that I can't help everyone.  If I say yes to one person... I have to say yes to every person.  Soon, readers who come to see what's going on with Brian... or read about Gavin... will be inundated with my promotions for other people's families, causes, businesses, fundraisers... do you see what I'm trying to say?  I decided to create a "policy" of sorts to respectfully say no to everyone.  Because I can't say yes to everyone, which is my nature.

I also can't give you money.  Or ship you Gavin's things.  Or his clothes.  Or give you my phone number.  (Yes, all of these things have been asked of me.)

Please don't look me up and call my home... or stop by.  It's just not appropriate.

I don't like doing this - I hate it, actually.  I realize that my page has suddenly exploded... and I get that being on my page right now might bring more attention to yours.  But if I'm being really honest, during this time (or any time, really) when I'm dealing with the death of my son - it makes me feel very used.  I don't like that feeling.  I do, however, like you.  And I'm not looking to hurt anyone's feelings.  So, if you'll stop asking... then I won't suffer from anxiety trying to come up with a response to you that won't hurt your feelings.  Because I really, really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  So... can we agree on that?  

I really loved when my Chasing Rainbows Facebook Page wall was filled with the wonderful things people were doing in Gavin's memory - random acts of kindness, volunteering, etc.  It would make me so happy to see more of that and less requests of me.  I am tired... and I can't afford to expend extra energy on fielding multiple (and I mean big time multiple) emails a day asking for more more more.

I hope, with all my heart, you understand.



69 comments:

  1. Oy vey! How unbelievable that people have been doing all of those things...some people just have no sense at all! It's enough that you have shared Gavin and his life and your story with all of us out here...it really is. Thank you for that. And I want you and Brian and your husband to know that there are a whole LOT of people playing with Gavin in heaven....I hope that gives you comfort.

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  2. I was (happy) sobbing reading about Brians conversations with you, his grief is so honest and innocent, I love that he can hear Gavin laughing and hes making sure you listen too :)
    Yayyyyyy, was so nervous at 9.30 thinking of you, wheres there Life theres Hope.
    You need an admin for your page and your email.

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    1. I agree! You need an admin for your fb page and your email... you can't and shouldn't have to deal with all of this... if you need ideas on anything, please ask, i am networked with a lot of bloggers and stuff and can try and help. Anyway, I definitely agree... I am so sorry you (kate) have to deal with all that nonsense of people, on top of your grief.

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    2. I agree with Marie on the admin!

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  3. What beautiful sons you have, truly. I can't believe what Brian said today, such amazingly wise words for someone so young. I hope we can all listen closely enough. My surviving twin daughter sometimes tells me that she can see her sister, perhaps I should listen more closely to her too.

    Sending you much love and strength right now. Keeping everything tightly crossed for project hope.

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  4. Isn't it funny how life throws us things again and again that make us uncomfortable, anxious, uneasy? Life just unfolds us little by little. We meet the same "type" of people over and over and wonder why. I am so sorry that at this heartbreaking time, that you are having to deal with this. But I would think that now would be the perfect time, when you have to give all you have to your husband, your child, and yourself, that you have no choice but to say no, repeatedly. And each time it will get easier and easier to proclaim that you have the right to ask for what is best for you. Setting boundaries sucks because we have to acknowledge that if we don't, we will be taken advantage of. I wish you anxiety free boundary setting and peaceful moments with Ed, Brian, and Sweet Baby Leong.

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  5. I can't get through one of your postings without tears. Your honesty and everything that you share is so very special. Brian sounds like an amazing little guy! I love his questions, his pure innocence.

    It's awful that you are feeling used- that people actually feel like the things they have done are okay. I hope some of that eases with this posting.

    Thank you for sharing your story with us.

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  6. I'm so sorry that you feel you have to apologize to people. You don't owe that to anybody! You said it so nicely in your post and unfortunately alot of the selfish folks won't get it. I agree with marie clare, maybe it is time for you to let an admin help you with the policy parts of your page. Lots of love coming your way from Idaho.

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  7. Oh my goodness, couldn't we all learn some grieving lessons from Brian. He has a beautiful spirit and you know Gavin is certainly laughing while watching him. Sorry you have to field all of these "requests" (that seems like way too nice of a word), and I'm more sorry that you have to spend any of your energy addressing this as an issue at all. Sending you continued strength.

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  8. Gavin is so wise, & so connected. I was crossing everything I could cross that you would have a good report at the dr. today. Thank you for sharing with all the strangers, me included, who have come to care for your family.

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  9. When I lost my MIL, shortly after bringing my oldest home from China she used to have conversations with her Grandma. Once she told me she was sitting at the table with us for dinner. We just need to listen. How honest is that!!!!!

    I find it very creepy that people are trying to benefit in some sort of odd way from the traffic on your page.

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  10. I have checked your blog far too many times today, sharing in a tiny little way your anxiety over Project Hope. I am so, so happy to see your good news.

    And I am sorry that your blog and email have fallen prey to so many requests. I know the same has happened to many of the fundraising pages for people who suffered significant injuries in the Boston Marathon bombings. It is terrible that people do not understand what is appropriate and inappropriate and that there are boundaries of decency that should not have to be spelled out.

    We constantly set boundaries for our children and, unfortunately, sometimes we have to set boundaries for adults in our lives too. Saying no can be so hard, but there is nothing wrong with what you are doing.

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  11. Praying for you and your family, praying that God will temper your anxiety with peace, and praying that people will get a clue that your grief does not exist as a tool for their benefit.

    I'm still performing small miracles for people every day in honor of Gavin. What an impact his story has made on my life. Thank you.

    Katie

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  12. While I completely understand you saying no to everything I just want you to know I found your page from a blog of a mother who had also lost a son. I was able to give to your causes thanks to a mom who was able to share your story.

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  13. First- those stories were beautiful. What a gift you have in your children. Second- you do not know me, and I actually don't think I have commented before, but I must tell you that your 'classy' way of approaching things, even in a time of grief, is a tremendous witness to me. I am a person that often flies off the handle. When people behave in weird or inappropriate ways, I usually go off on them (if not to their face, at least to my husband when I am telling him about it). I have a lot to learn from your attitude of assuming that people just don't know/their intentions are good, rather than wanting to punch them in the face for acting weird :) So, thanks for your witness today, and now, I shall try to actually act it out in my life.

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  14. Kate,

    Not a day goes by that I don't love on my "babies" ages 4 & 2 more, listen with more presence, and take a moment genuinely feel thankful for the privilege of being their mommy. Every time I do, I think of Gavin. Maybe not big in scope, but it's a little miracle that happens in my family every day in honor of your superhero.

    And I love the quote from Scott Stratten, "Don't try to win over the haters; you're not the jackass whisperer." Maybe it doesn't fit exactly, but don't you worry one second about setting boundaries with the leeches!

    Hugs to you!

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    1. Leeches is a good word for those that try to take advantage of the situation, although I think I might use the term vultures. I know Kate didn't want us to be nasty about those that were asking for stuff originally, but if they didn't get the point the first time she mentioned it in a classy way then they are deliberately not getting it. I couldn't agree with you more about setting boundaries with that group.

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  15. I read your blog weekly and think you write beautifully. I have been so touched by you, your family and your experiences. I am a blogger and am working on advertising my site as much as I can. With that said, I would never ask you to promote my siteafter everything you have gone through. I feel it would be beyond inappropriate. Don't feel bad for saying no to people. They should be ashamed for even asking.I normally don't post comments under anonymous, but I will today, just to make a point that getting your name and blog out there for the world to see isn't always the best thing to do.

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  16. First - you are clearly doing an AMAZING job with Brian. In another post, you had talked about a "Mommy Fail" moment. Put that out of your head. Awesome, amazing, wonderful. Feel really good about it.

    Second - I am so sorry that people are reaching out to you to push their cause or their product or their anything. I am just sorry and I think you handled it very nicely on your post.

    Third - sending lots of sticky good vibes to you for Project Hope.

    Giant big virtual hug. Take care.

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  17. Oh Kate, it makes me so sad and angry that people are trying to take advantage of you, whether they realize it or not. You have given so much, you have given yourself and your family to us. You have shared YOUR LIFE, and now people are asking for more? Inexcusable. You are absolutely doing the right thing by coming out and saying that no, you cannot do everything for everyone else. I sincerely hope that people listen and respect that.

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  18. its ashame that you feel you need to apologize..like someone said above..you dont owe that to anyone! this is YOUR blog n you absolutely have every right to say no! this blog is about you n your life..thats why we keep coming back..am i right? you do not have to support others causes or like others pages..this blog is your coping mechanisim n if someone takes advantage of that shame on them. you keep doing what you are doing..you are doing a great job at just being you! sending positive thoughts to you n your family!!

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  19. Your soul is so beautiful. And please please, don't feel like you have to apologize for taking care of yourself.

    xoxo.

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  20. Even saying no is handling this more than you should have to at this moment. Answering the phone or door to strangers is down right creepy. There must be a part of you that wants to move. Blech.

    Do you have a friend who can "vet" the emails for you? Dump them to a gmail account and then answer from there with a "no" form letter? Then you just get to see the real stuff until you feel more up to dealing with the reality of the fickle human spirit? I would volunteer to do it, but that might feel creepy too...lol.

    Hang in there mama. Grow your baby. Miss your son. Love your family. We are praying for you!

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  21. I recently came across your blog, and went back and read through it (OCD-ish-ness). There are so many times I've wanted to hug you.
    You've done everything you can to help, protect and care for your family, and anyone who's been negative obviously can't see that. Even with your alternative treatments, you've been careful to back up feelings with facts (no judgment, I'm all for alternatives). You've endured so much-I know,you've heard it all-but let me add my name to the list of people who will never forget Gavin, or the rest of your family. I'll be praying for you all
    Trish

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  22. I haven't commented before but I've been keeping up with your blog for the past couple weeks. I was praying for you all day and will for the next 9 months. I am so sorry for your loss and for the anxiety people have caused you. I was feeling very used and taken advantage of today but this puts the small thing I have to deal with in perspective. You handled it very well. Thank you for writing about your experiences.

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  23. Thinking of you today, I am so glad that you got to see the heartbeat today! Yay, you are in my thoughts and prayers always. You are amazing and you and gavin are helping to make the world a better place

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  24. Wow. I cannot believe people are so selfish to ask these things of you. It is bad enough that they ask but especially when your family is grieving.

    As Jennifer said above, Grow your Baby! We are praying for you and your family.

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  25. Brian sounds like such a wonderful young man. He is going to be such a good big brother. I also think you should say no to people, and don't feel bad! It is disturbing to me that anyone would ask you to send you Gavin's things....perhaps you want them for momentos or Brian can use them or whatever but you should not have to explain yourself... No one should be that rude. I am so sorry. You are such a great example of a mom and a caring person :) I'm keeping Project Hope in my prayers.

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  26. Regarding Brian and his insight: Out of the mouths of babes.

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  27. Grow your baby, miss your son, and love your family...I LOVE THAT!

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  28. Brian sounds like he is working through his grief so well- and it sounds like you're doing a wonderful job encouraging and supporting him through this! Grieving- and Project Hope, of course- is your focus right now, as it should be. Good people understand that and come here because they want to support you, not because they want something from you. Say "no," and keep the focus on your family, where it ought to be!

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  29. You are being FAR more graceful than I would be with those selfish people. I would downright ignore them. If they aren't here to support you during this journey you call life, then they don't deserve your thoughts or time. Like others are saying...Grow your baby, miss your son and love your family! Sending tons of virtual hugs your way. <3

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  30. Lord, have mercy! I don't know you but I am going all mama bear about this. Anyone who has ever gone through a major loss wouldn't DARE ask ANYTHING of you. They don't understand that it is all you can do to just breathe and take the next step much less be a cheerful, present mom and comforting, supportive wife. There are no "rules" in grieving. Do what you need to do for you and your family and SERIOUSLY DON'T WORRY ABOUT ANYONE ELSE. It is too soon. You are too raw. You have a baby to protect. Get someone to sort your emails and Facebook posts, block the leeches, ignore the requests. You DO NOT even owe them a response. Grow your baby, miss you son, and love your family. I think it should be your mantra. Nothing else matters in the wide scope of things!!!

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  31. Completely agree with Julia Yarnall! She said it exactly right.

    I also wanted to say how I am so happy for you and that beating lil heart growing inside of you! All the VERY best in that lil one growing so so strong and being born into a family that will only ever give it love and support. xxx

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  32. I don't understand how anyone in their right mind would think it permissible to request such things of you - ESPECIALLY items that belonged to Gavin. It is insensitive and rude! You are grieving! Even if they asked you a year or two from now, it would still be inappropriate. They should be asking what they can do to help you, not asking you to help them.

    Project Hope is beautiful! Thank you for being so vulnerable with all of us. Hopefully people will take your message to heart and respect your boundaries!

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  33. I have heard that children are much closer to those who have passed on than the rest of us. I'm so glad that Brian can still hear Gavin laugh and that he is able to grieve openly, and in his own way, because of your increcible sensitivity and wisdom.

    As to your other subject today, you are one class act, Kate! You continue to teach us daily lessons of grace, compassion, and understanding. Thank you for your sensitivity.

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  34. Brian is wonderfully wise.

    Big hugs. It's thoughtless of people to be inundating you with requests. Julia Yarnell said it perfectly.

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  35. I thought of Gavin randomly today while I waited in line at the gas station to buy an ice cream I didn't need to eat, but that I certainly enjoyed. He is everywhere, Kate.

    I will personally check your page and mark all of that stuff as spam--hopefully if enough people do that, it will disappear.

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    1. I agree and I will help too! I check your facebook page every day, so if I see anything on there that is an advertisement or rude rquest I will mark it as spam. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this :( There are times that I amazed by humanity in a good way- seeing all the random acts of kindness and the way people have donated in Gavin's name was amazing and inspiring.... and then there are times I am amazed that human beings could sink so low. I am horrified that even after you asked nicely before if people would not ask you for things, they continue to do so. I am a people pleaser too and I have a horrible time saying no, so it makes me really upset that you have to worry about this right now, on top of everything else you are dealing with.

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  36. Horrified! ANYONE who asks you to like, endorse, support, promote them at this time, or ever, is a troll and does not DESERVE a response.

    Fell in love with Brian, and Gavin, all over again reading this. Brian is a very special, sensitive, profound, smart, wonderful young man. He is a testament.

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  37. I knew it the second I met him, Brian is so smart and perceptive. It's good that he is sharing all these thoughts he has, even if they may be hard to hear.

    Kate, you do not owe anyone ANYTHING. I am sorry you have to deal with inappropriate requests, and very annoyed for you. You just send them to ME. [insert evil cackle here.]

    xo

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  38. Gavin is laughing. That made me cry. I bet he is. And I bet he is running and jumping and talking. I love that Brian knows that Gavin is free. That is a beautiful picture for all of you. Thinking of you daily...cheering you all on...keeping the hope.

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  39. I must admit that I did wonder if there were two babies in there!! So glad Project Hope is going strong.

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  40. Bless your heart! I'm sorry that people are bombarding you with (stupid) requests!! Bless Brian's heart too! I love how death is NO barrier to a sibling relationship for young children. How awesome is THAT?!? I see that here with my coworker whose 17 year old son (with severe CP) died unexpectedly last October and her 6 year old son (in my daughter's class) will tell me everything about his brother as if he just talked to him. Precious. :) This local news story made me think of you... a parent's love for his child. :) http://www.fox11online.com/dpp/news/making_a_diff/man-spends-30-years-digging-pond

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  41. No worries about your requests. There are person's blogs that I read to hear about their kids and lives. Some have abandoned that for advertising, other blogs and fundraising, etc. Since my child was just diagnosed with a genetic and fatal disease with only one drastic very scary treatment, I am interested in the process of grief and am going through it as well. Blessings to Brian and Hope we can all hear Gavin's laughter.

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  42. I am reminded that we need to listen more. Thank you for that, Brian! Brian hearing Gavin laughing gave me the chills. Love this story!

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  43. Praying for your family and especially for Project Hope!

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  44. I love what Brian said I think we all need to listen more in life to ourselves and to other people. Gavin and Brian were so lucky to have each other.

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  45. Unfortunately, even after your blog today, you are going to continue receiving those rude, offensive, insensitive and inconsiderate emails. My advice... stop replying to them. You have more than enough to deal with at the moment than responding to these insensitive people.

    Loved your blog entry today. You are raising an amazing little boy in Brian. And you are an amazing mother.

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  46. Wonderfully written and well said. Our prayers continue to be with your family.

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  47. My mother has always said it's a shame that as adults, we lose the ability to KNOW who really loves us and who is just pretending to love us; children always seem to sense when someone is sincere in their affection, and are usually repelled or hesitant when someone makes a big show but is false in their attention and affection.
    I couldn't help but think of that when I read Brian's statement about hearing Gavin's laughter: "You just have to LISTEN." I wish we could retain that as adults, too ... the ability to HEAR. :)
    One other thing -- since starting to read your blog a few weeks ago (thank you, Glennon, for introducing us!), a million little things make me think of you guys every day, and every time you pop into my head, a little prayer goes up for Project HOPE. :) I pray for peace, and happiness, and health, for you, for your baby, for Ed and Brian, and for Gavin and Darcy. I hope you have a great day!

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  48. Oh, Kate. That post - brought tears to my eyes. The innocence of Brian and his grief. I love that he can hear Gavin laughing in Heaven's House. I love that he can express himself so beautifully. He gets that from his mommy, I'm sure. :)

    As for those asking you for things - is there a way you could have a trusted friend or a family member field that type of thing for you for a while? Have someone else answer those emails or the Facebook requests? I hope they stop since you've asked them to, but if they don't, perhaps someone can intervene for you.

    You need time to relax, recharge, grieve, enjoy Brian, enjoy Ed, and work on a new normal for your life. You do not need to be worrying about requests that are being made.

    *hugs* Wishing you peace.

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  49. I agree with the admin idea. Maybe ask a trusted friend or family member to comb through the emails and comments to remove the spammers and insensitive users, that way you can focus on the people who are truly trying to help and be supportive.

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  50. So sorry people having been taking advantage of this tough time you're going through. Know that a lot of us are following you because of your bravery, and that we're praying and hoping with you.
    Cinde

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  51. Brian is such a blessing. Listen to him, he really knows. I pray for you and your family every day. I pray especially for project Hope. It is difficult to tell a stranger "i love you"...but I do. You and Gavin and your story...they have changed me in a way I can't explain. THANK YOU for continuing to keep us posted as you navigate your grief and all of the emotion of this new project. I think that Darcy was lonely for a bit of the love your family has here on earth - but now she has Gavin to make her laugh and I don't think she is lonely anymore.

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  52. Take care of you (and of course Ed and Brian!), Kate. Just take care of you. As a fellow "yes" girl to another...boundaries are a beautiful thing!

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  53. Wow I cannot believe how rude people can be, asking for things from a mother who just lost her son.... unbelievable!

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  54. Talk about tacky and classless for people to be asking you of these things!!! Promoting themselves? Your son's clothing?? Unreal!! What is WRONG with society? So selfish. People have lost their minds. I am sorry to hear all this.

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  55. You shouldn't feel the least bit bad about asking not to be asked these things. We all appreciate you sharing Chasing Rainbows. You are grieving and have so very much on your plate it's not right for ppl to ask such a thing from you.

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  56. Your post to the people making inappropriate requests was so gracious. The friends who are suggesting an admin are spot on--surely you have a friend who would be willing to step in and field requests and comments that should not be coming to you at this time.

    It was 26 years ago that our son was promoted to heaven--I hope he and Gavin are sharing the joy and basking in the Lord's presence together.

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  57. Very gracious and completely appropriate!! Please don't stress over ppl not knowing where the boundaries are, as you know they're just being ppl. I wish you peace.

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  58. Wow....immediately, the word gracious also came to my mind.... I'm not sure I could have been so gracious. I'm so sorry once again for your loss and I have tears well up at almost every post. I'm so glad that this new life has been created and I do believe this baby is a gift from God and Gavin to you. You are a very special person and you have an amazing gift of writing. I'm praying for the health of your new blessing and believing with you that this baby will continue to grow and be such a blessing to your family!

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  59. Completely understood. Im sorry you had to take time to explain this to others...Just please take care of you & family - and leave this blog for after...sending you hugs!

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  60. Thank you Kate.

    Thank you Brian.

    God is ticking Gavin in His House. He is laughing and smiling with you during your time of fond memories, and he has his arms wrapped around you, tears running down his cheeks, during your grieving periods...

    Hugs and healing, Journeyers... xoxoxo

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  61. I don't normaly leave comments but I was called to do so today. As I sit here reading this with tears in my eyes I am yet again realizing that children see and hear so much more than we can. They are still so innocent without being yet changed by this huge world we live in. Your beautiful Brian is so right. I am positive he can hear Gavin laughin in heaven.

    Sending Hugs your way. XOXO

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  62. I just posted on my F/B page yesterday how I could write a book on just things that happened during my day on what stupid people should NOT do! I could add these things to my list...leave a poor grieving mother alone and don't ask her to promote you and your crap! I swear people are do dumb!! I'm sorry you have do deal with ignorant people!
    But I did love hearing about Brian's heart! :-)
    Misty

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  63. I am a CHASA mom and I have been following your blog for some time now. I am very sorry for your loss and hope you know there are many of us, myself included, who are heartbroken for you and your family. While I continue to pray for you and your family to heal, I am so hopeful for your future, for your son, for your husband, for your unborn child, and for you. Your writing itself is the thing with feathers. I hope it lifts you up and gives you strength in this troubling time, and allows you to disassociate with the negative forces that are attempting to latch on in such a cynical and unsettling manner. You owe them no explanations - cast them off. Focus on what is important, your family and your heart. I wish you much health and healing.

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  64. I would never ask you pretty much anything that you described. I will though pray for you, your family during this difficult time, and your new project Hope.
    Thanks for setting others straight. As a fellow pleaser who has worked hard to accept NOT pleasing everyone every time, I admire you and what you wrote.
    :)

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