Friday, April 26, 2013

Remembering Gavin...

Brian announced today that he wanted to sleep in his brother's bed tonight.  My heart skipped a beat.  Actually, my heart has been skipping many beats and pounding hard and fast and feeling like it's going to explode out of my chest twenty four hours a day... but that's my constant anxiety.  

I digress...

So, tonight after his bath, Brian and I started the difficult task of transporting all of his Angry Birds... and his "guys"... and his special blue blanket that matched Gavin's hospital blanket... and his Penguin that illuminates stars on the ceiling and he lovingly placed them in his brother's bed.  He even asked for the special pillow case that he got to pick out in Gavin's hospital room to cover his pillow.

Ed and I sat on either side of him, as we've done since we came home from the hospital, and I read him a very special book.  Brian's teacher (that I could explain with about 100 adjectives like amazing and kind...) adapted the book "Remembering Crystal" by Sebastian Loth into "Remembering Gavin."

We have read it, on Brian's request, every night.  Somehow I am able to get through it each time... even while hearing Ed sniffling on the other side.  

 What Laura did for us - and for Brian - is indescribable.  I believe this book is helping Brian process that Gavin is really gone.  File her gift idea in the back of your mind.  If someone in your life loses a child and leaves behind a young sibling, THIS is what you should send them.  This gift means so much to us.  I was so determined to share it with all of you that it took me FOUR takes before I could do it without crying...

After the book was over and we were about to cover him with his special "Gavin blankie," he suddenly remembered that he forgot one important thing in his room.  The heart that hangs from the "invisible string" on his closet door.  He ran to his room... brought it back... hung it on Gavin's closet door... and our hearts skipped a beat again as we heard him say, "Good night Gavin," as he gently tugged the string. 
 Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  Managing Brian's grief is our biggest priority - but navigating our grief at the same time can be very challenging.




32 comments:

  1. Good Night Brain. I know you will rest well in Gavin's bed. Mom, Dad & Brian of course the LOVE & PRAYERS continue. What a beautiful, brave & smart little guy... XOXOXO

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  2. Ann Dillon TannousApril 26, 2013 at 9:31 PM

    That is beautiful.

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  3. Sleep tight Brian. There really aren't words. I pray multiple times a day for your sweet family - that the lord hold your hands during this hard time.

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  4. That was so beautiful. What a perfect gift. As I clicked on the video, my 3 year old son ran down the hall to sit in my lap and listen to the story with me. He has some developmental delays and typically is only interested in a small set of familiar topics, so I was really surprised he was so interested from the moment he heard your voice. I don't have to tell you we both loved it. Thank you so much for sharing. And Gavin's bed looks so cozy with all of Brian's special things in it--what a lovely (and heartwrenching) idea he had.

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  5. Many thoughts and prayers are being sent your way. You are all loved.

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  6. I am praying, for all of you. What a very special book. <3

    Krista

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  7. Stories are so powerful in helping us deal with life's experiences. I have been given quite a few, but I love this one that helps children understand the mystery in the transformation of death. Its simplicity speaks to me as an adult too. http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/Belovedhearts/stories/Doris-WaterbugsandDragonflies-632617144169637500.aspx
    Sorry for the long link!

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  8. How awesome of Brian's teacher to adapt the book. Thank you for sharing the book with us, it sounds like it is really helping Brian. I think you all are doing a really good job helping him through his grief and missing his brother. Praying for each of you, Brian, Ed, and You during such a difficult time.

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  9. My hear aches for all of you. You have shown time and time again that you are amazing parents and I sure you'll help guide Brian through his grief beautifully. Having only lost babies I never got to know, I can only imagine your pain. Continued prayers to you and yours. <3 <3 <3

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  10. Oh, Kate. What a beautiful thing Miss Laura was able to do for Brian...and for you and Ed. You're doing such an amazing job handling Brian's emotions...dont' be afraid to let yours go. Gavin wil give you the strenth to throw 100 boxes if that's what you need. So many people thinking of you. xo
    - sheila

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  11. Praying for you all, dear Kate. Up till now I've only thought about the loss of Gavin from a fellow mommy's perspective. Thank you for giving us a window into Brian's heart also. I can't imagine how lonely and confused he must feel. Praying that God's arms would wrap tight around you all as you slumber tonight.

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  12. So beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Sleep well.

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  13. What a wonderful story, I bet he feels even closer to Gavin in his bed. I think you have given birth to 3 strong and amazing children! Bless you all!

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  14. So many prayers.....

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  15. My heart just aches for you everytime I read your blog...I just want to take your pain away. Prayers are showered upon you and your family!

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  16. You are so very brave! My tears streamed down, as I listened to you read the book... it was so beautifully done! Thank you for sharing such a wonderful gift, with us all! I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain! Just know I continue to think of and pray for your family... you have touched the heart of a complete stranger! Heart hugs Joy

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  17. You and Ed are such wonderful parents! Gavin, Brian and Darcy are very lucky to have you. Stay strong as you always are! God bless you and your family <3

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  18. That was beautiful and I have no idea how you got through it--even after four tries. I am so glad that you all have no many wonderful people helping you navigate this whole thing.

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  19. It's painful and beautiful to watch how you are coming together to support him even in the face of your own grief.

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  20. Once again, I don't know what to say other than, my thoughts are with you and your family. I think of Gavin every day.

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  21. Praying for your continued strength, grace and wisdom. You are amazing.

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  22. My heart aches for you all. In think of you so many times a day. I can't even fathom the range of emotions you and Ed must be feeling. Tears come so easily to my eyes just thinking about you and your beautiful family. God Bless you.

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  23. Oh my! This is amazing, the book, the teacher, and the Momma that did such a great job readIng the book! (you have a very pretty voice) How did his teacher get their names in the book? She did a great job. Just another example of how much Gavin made an impression on everyone. Apparently Brian does as well! Still praying and holding your family close in our thoughts.

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  24. I think I forgot to breathe...powerful book...I don't have any words...prayers and tears...no words...much love to you all!

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  25. What an amazing teacher Laura is. This gift is beyond wonderful and caring.
    God bless you for putting her in your lives. May God continue to bless you with caring people. Praying........

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  26. Amazing! What a precious gift for your little boy. I am sure he will treasure that book forever. What a thoughtful teacher!

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  27. Oh Brian buddy I'm so sorry you and your brother were so lucky to have each other.

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  28. Praying for you at this time. Much love and tears, I'm sorry just isn't enough- but I am.

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  29. This book is so special... what an amazing gift!! I am going to order one for us right away! (and several others to have on hand for passing along I think!) How exactly did she adapt it? Even the cover? Did she just re type it all and glue the new page/words on top? Would love to know a bit more so I can duplicate this! It looked amazing and so well done. What an incredible teacher and what a special treasure for you all and Brian. <3

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