Last night, as I gave the boys a bath after their haircuts, I found myself struggling to get up from the floor. My knees were so stiff. And last night, the pain in my hands and the strange sensation in my arms woke me up several times. If Ed hadn't left for work before I even woke up, I would have asked him to help me get dressed. Not every day is like this, thank God. But today has been pretty rough. I am so achy...everywhere. The pain is in all of my joints - but because it's so painful it makes you carry yourself differently to compensate. So I end up with back pain and shoulder pain and it's really all a big mess. Last night I sat at the piano, a place I used to spend a lot of time. I don't mind saying - I was really good at one point. My favorite piece to play was the Pathetique by Beethoven. But that's in the past for sure. As I sat there, I stared at my fingers. I am starting to see some of the deformity around my knuckles that comes with Rheumatoid Arthritis. There are mornings that I can't get my wedding rings on.
I think it's time.
I called my Rheumatologist. I explained the situation to her secretary and told her I'd like to make an appointment. Perhaps it's time to consider my options with medications. I really can't do this anymore. I told her that I'd avoided medications - they are pretty toxic after all - because we had been trying to have a baby. She said that yes, it had been a while since I was there last. Two years, she said.
That hit me like a ton of bricks. We had been trying...desperately...for two years. Blah.
Let's move on.
So I have an appointment set for mid-October. I would love to get back to regular visits with Dr. Trish, but I don't know how I'll manag that yet. Between pick ups and drop offs and Dr. Trish's schedule that's mostly morning appointments...I'm not sure I can make it work. So - I turn to you. For those of you struggling with RA or with lots of knowledge about RA, I'd love to hear your thoughts on treatments. What do you take? What have you experienced as far as side effects? Do you do shots or IV infusions? What have you been told? Tell me everything!!
I'm feeling pretty depressed.
There were two things that cheered me up today - a Sara/Sarah combination!
Miss Sara was amazing with the boys today while I sat in the corner and stared out the window. Just kidding. I was staring at the ceiling. Just kidding. She really helped me out with diaper changes and lifting and buttoning pants (the boys, not mine!) and comic relief.
After lunch, we had a goodbye visit from Miss Sarah! For those of you who don't know, Sarah was one of our original helpers and really became like a daughter to me. It's time for her to head to Turkey for an extended mission trip. It's likely we won't see her (except on Facebook. Thank God for Facebook!) for several years.
But miles and time zones can't separate her from our hearts.
We're proud to share "Our Sarah" with the people of Turkey. This girl is going to change the world.