Saturday, June 30, 2012

Our Week at the Shore...Part Two!

I wanted to write about "Homecoming" - but it's not about the day we came home from our week long vacation.  Being away for a week with my Mom felt like coming home to me.  I wish I had been in a better "place" emotionally last week, but if I was going to be anything but "perfect"...I was so grateful it was with my Mom.  We had, at least I think, a great rhythm.  We knew when to talk - and when to be quiet.  If we were doing something with the kids and she wanted to do something else (which wasn't often!) - it was no big deal.  It was relaxed and comforting...and just what I needed.  Sometimes you just need your Mommy.  And I happen to have the best one.

Last Sunday, I wrote about Brian's terrible boat ride experience.  Click here to refresh your memory.  Well, he steered clear of those boats for the rest of the week.  But then...on the last day...he was REDEEMED!!
We went to the boardwalk in the afternoon so it wasn't crowded at all.  Brian was able to choose his boat (purple this time!) and there was NO threat of anyone ringing his bell.  WHEW!  As you can see, he was kinda happy...

Gavin and I went on the Merry Go Round that last day, too!  He always impresses me with how he sits tall and holds himself up.  The smile rarely leaves his face.

 Brian decided to watch from the sidelines with Ed

When we got off the ride, my Mom mentioned that she loved seeing Gavin press his cheek up against mine.  He does that when we're on the Merry Go Round - he leans in with his cheeky grin and presses his face up against mine.  It's almost like he's saying "Thanks, Mommy!" and it gets me every time.

I have had a silly tradition with the boys over the past few years.  Whenever we go to the boardwalk, I get a photo booth picture of us.  It started when I was pregnant with Gavin - Ed and I took a weekend trip to the beach and brought home a photo strip.  My hope is to one day put them all in chronological order in a big frame.  For some reason it makes me so happy.  This year was the most challenging yet with two squirmy (and silly!) little boys!!  But here they are!

We tried to do a family shot - but all of us have giant heads so that won't work.  Ever.

So we stuck with the Mommy and Gavin shot...

...and the Mommy with her little monkey shot.

The week ended and we drove home after dinner.  My Mom and I in one car with the boys...and Ed in his car (with the big equipment like the crib and the highchair).  Gavin and Brian slept most of the way home - and then went right to sleep when we got them in their own beds.  I didn't have Miss Sara come the next day.  To be honest - and this is no disrespect to Mom, my husband, my children, or Sara...but I was tired of being "on".  It is exhausting to always have an audience and feel like you need to be happy and smiling and talkative and...blah, you get the idea.  The day after we came home was the biggest release for me.  I think I cried most of the day - I didn't get out of my pajamas - didn't answer the phone - and I even took a nap.  I was physically and emotionally drained.  There was mountains of laundry and unpacking and cleaning to do, too.  I was just grateful to be alone with the boys - who, truth be told, watched a LOT of TV that day.

I think I'm still processing what happened.  It's sunk in - but it hasn't.  If you can't relate to wanting to carry and give birth to a child - then insert any "dream" you have had all your life.  Or something you've longed to 'accomplish' before it's too late.  It could be anything.  Then imagine that is ripped away from you.  It's not easy!!

Over the past couple weeks I've had some pretty bizarre (and rude, if you ask me) things said to me.  In person and online.  The worst was the person who said that "Gavin and Brian looked 100% caucasian.  Should Ed be worried?  I mean they don't look Chinese at all.  Are you hiding something??"  Seriously?  Who has the steel balls to say something like that to someone??  I was speechless - and devastated.  Or the other person who insinuated that we must have used a donor to conceive the boys since they didn't look Chinese (listen - I don't know what to tell you about that) so why we aren't adopting a child is just awful.  

Comments like these (and I could go on...believe me) aren't helpful.  In case you were wondering.

I don't know what the future holds.  But there's one thing you can be sure of.  I love my family and I'm so very grateful to spend each day with Ed, Gavin and Brian.  


  1. Kate...I am so sorry that you had to be the victim of such rudeness. It's sickening to think people would actually say that to you. My first thought was...are they kidding? I can see Ed in both of your boys. You have a beautiful family Kate and I am truly sorry that your dream has been crushed the way it has. You are an amazing mother and if I had one wish...I would have given it to you.

  2. Both boys have obvious Chinese features, and I don't know how someone with that type of internet boredom/stupidity ended up reading this particular blog. An attention seeker reading about kids with special needs? Seriously?

  3. Your little ones definitely have Ed in them without a doubt.. I really hope you keep trying and are successful you deserve another beautiful little bub. Is it the fact that you want to carry your child? I'm sure you've considered everything, including surrogacy?

  4. Kate, I am so sorry that others have been so thoughtless and rude. I hope and pray that the coming days bring peace and healing. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you nothing but happiness and joy. Cry when you need to and smile when you can. May God bless you and your beautiful family.

  5. I am so sorry that people would say such mean things. There is obviously something wrong with those people. You are an amazing mom! Take care and I pray your dreams come true.

  6. Sorry for the rudeness! I appreciate you posting such intimate things even in the face of that. Looks like a good time at the beach, I was thinking of you on & off that week. Glad you had some good Mom time w/yours, and a quiet day to yourself for re-entry.
    Wishing you peace through this transition.


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