Monday, April 23, 2012

Working My Way Back To Life...


I didn't blog this weekend...in case you didn't notice.  I was busy doing something simple - trying to get my life back in order.  No big deal.

I feel like I have blamed a lot of things on my Dad's death this past November.  It is possible, though, that my "I'll get to it later" "I just don't care" and "Who really looks at the clutter and the chaos in my house anyway?" type of attitude could have been a slow-building event.  It has been a rough couple years, eh?  The bigger the pile on my dining room table (which we obviously don't use), the less I cared.  The bigger my 'to do' pile, the worse my anxiety became.  The more promises I made to myself that I would stick with a project...the more I failed at doing so.  I'm not sure why - but that's the truth of it all!

So...this weekend, I decided to start somewhere.  To put one foot in front of the other and try to get back to some sort of something.  I'm still not exactly sure what.  I'm also not exactly sure I'm making sense, but I'm going to keep typing and then press 'publish' anyway.

I cleaned out my closet.  Took a deep breath and got rid of clothes I had no business keeping.  I will never be a size 4...and maybe never a 6...again.  Shoes from 1997?  In the garage sale pile.  Purses from 1999?  Tossed in the same pile.  Once I knew what I had - and what I needed (a lot), Brian and I went shopping.  It should be noted that I really don't enjoy clothes shopping.  Hate it, actually.  I half wished that bringing Brian would end the trip early.  But the opposite happened.  Brian and I were out from 1pm until dinnertime.  He was in and out of the dressing rooms four times with me.  When other children were whining and throwing tantrums, he looked at me and whispered, "Mama - too loud!"  He was such a sweet partner and so, incredibly patient, that we made a special stop to buy him a new stuffed "Angry Bird" for his collection.  I came home with a huge bag of clothes, including a few items from the "Jennifer Lopez" collection.  I feel like I have arrived.


Gavin stayed home with Ed.  He had a rough weekend with allergies and I really didn't want to bring him outside.  His eyes were puffy and watery...he was dazed...and somewhat stuffy.  To make matters worse, he developed a rash on his face.  It was at it's worst on Friday afternoon into Saturday.  By Sunday it had gone down and I thought we were in the clear.  Unfortunately, I was wrong.  It was back again today.

You can see the bumps in the photo on the left.  And you can really see the rash in the photo on the right.  It doesn't seem to bother him - but Gavin isn't really one to complain much.


             

My guess is that it's a food allergy.  I pureed some of a baked ziti I made, so my first thought was tomatoes.  But I also made my veggie stew different this go around - I added sauteed onions and mushrooms.  We didn't make any other changes - detergent, sheets, etc.  I'm hoping to get him an appointment with Dr. Kang, our acupuncturist, to see if she can test him for these new foods.

He's also been doing something rather worrisome.  Gavin has been purposely falling. He will be kneeling (low or high) and will just let himself fall backwards (never from standing) with no care of what's behind him.  He's banged his head into toys...the book display...the carpeted floor...the hardwood floor...you name it.  Tonight I noticed a goose egg on the top of his cute little head.  He's gone through this phase before.  I don't think it's a medical thing - something he can't control.  I do think it's a sensory "let me see what I can do with my body" type of thing and I'm hoping it's a quickly passing phase.  It is one of those behaviors that really bums me out.

On the bright side - Gavin is very interested in what his body can do!  That part I love!  He continues to want to try to stand independently.  I'll get him in the standing position and soon I feel him slowly and deliberately letting go of my hands.  It's pretty awesome.  I think it's only a matter of time before this child is not only standing - but walking on his own.

Miss Janna, Gavin's teacher, was here today.  She introduced us to a new app called "Fluidity" which Gavin LOVED.  She used it as a reward after each activity.


Janna has arranged for me and some of Gavin's other therapists to re-visit a preschool that I toured almost two years ago.  I had a pretty strong reaction to the school back then - hating so many things about it.  I pretty rarely change my mind when I feel that strongly so I surprised everyone, including myself, when I recently decided to give this school another look.  I was in a different place then and so was Gavin.  Seeing this school with a fresh perspective and a new set of eyes can't hurt.  When I found out that Gavin's previous Occupational Therapist, Miss Marianne, who was with him from infancy until he turned three took a job at this school - it was a big plus.  I respect Marianne a lot and I'm sure she wouldn't work in a school that she didn't feel good about.  So in a few weeks we're going to take a look.  It's possible that I may be sending Gavin to preschool - I don't know when or how often.  But it's possible.

Maybe letting go a little more will help me with this "get my life back in order project."  We'll see.

Brian's speech is exploding.  Ever since Easter when he spent the day with his cousins.  I'm not sure if there's a connection, because he spends every day with his school friends - all of which are great talkers!  Maybe it was a coincidence that something "clicked" on Easter.  Either way - it's so wonderful to see him trying so hard.  

Here's his latest - something we had fun with all weekend - counting backwards to blast off...

video


And in this video you can hear how he says his own name, which is so adorable...

video
I'm so grateful to Brian's teachers and his wonderful speech therapist, Miss Maggie.  I was so nervous about sending him to school.  Seems so silly now, looking back.  He's doing SO well...which is another reason why I'm leaning towards sending Gavin.  The thought that I might be holding him back is something that weighs heavily on my heart.

Deep breaths.  We'll get there...



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