Wednesday, March 14, 2012

The Party's Over...


Imagine if I came to your house for a visit to see you and your family. And imagine during our visit that you shared with me how you manage your you discipline your children...what you feed you spend your free time.

Imagine if the next day you found a letter in your mailbox. The letter detailed all the things that I disagreed with. How I thought you could manage your time better. How you really are using the wrong method of discipline. How it's reprehensible that you feed your children what you do, the way you do, when you do. How you are arrogant for thinking you deserve ANY free time since you really are such a crappy parent. Well, at least according to my standards. Getting a letter like that would suck, don't you think?

Getting comments like that on my blog sucks just as much.

This blog has taken a strange, gloomy turn. I suppose the more people that start following us, the less control I have over keeping the mean people out. I have never wanted to censor. I have control over these comments - and I can choose not to post one, some or all. I started moderating comments after THIS incident. To me it's a catch 22. If I only post the positive ones I would feel weird about that - like only people that compliment me are allowed to comment. I don't know how else to explain that - I just don't want to appear like an egomaniac. I've thought about having ZERO comments. But that would be awful. I get so many great ideas from other Moms and Dads. I feel like we have all learned so much from each other. It would piss me off to lose that because of a couple mean spirited individuals who don't even sign their name...and a couple meanies that do. I've also been advised that I can eliminate the choice of people commenting as "Anonymous"... which I am reluctant to do. Lots of people get flustered trying to figure out how to post using a name or google ID and then give up. I don't want to miss great advice or a smart tip! So from now on, I refuse to post any comments that are attacking, rude or judgemental. Unfortunately, I still have to read them - and they will likely still hurt my feelings - but no one else will see them. It does amuse me, though, to think of someone spending SO much time sitting in front of their computer crafting a hateful comment to me. I suppose in some weird way it can be strangely flattering to have a person spend THAT much time away from their own family to hate on me. Or not.

I've been very accepting of Facebook friends since I started writing - and that will stop, too. It's apparent to me that some of the meanest comments come from people who have friended me. I don't really know how to handle that at the moment.

If it gives the people who post these comments (likely to then see the big reaction that ensues) any satisfaction - yes, your comments have hurt me. And yes, I have cried. Feel better about yourself?

This blog started out HERE on CaringBridge when Gavin was very, very sick as an infant. From the beginning I poured my heart into my writing as a way to get through the days. Days filled with feeding tubes, scary testing, oxygen at night, braces on his hands and feet, scary diagnoses and more. I wrote and I wrote - and if you wanted to read you were welcome to follow Gavin's journey. Each visit meant a lot to me - and each visitor became like family. The CaringBridge site even featured us in a promotional video which you can see HERE so we could express just how much writing - and the readers - meant to us.

My writing is personal. Just as what you do behind your front door - or even in public with your own children - is personal. The difference between us? I share it openly. I don't claim to be perfect. I don't claim to know all the answers. I don't claim anything. I just share and share because it's something that helps me...and I've learned so much along the way from others in the same boat that take the time to write to me. My writing each day is a way to chronicle our journey. You think that's overboard? Hovering? Helicoptering? I don't give a crap. Do you know, if asked, I could pull up Gavin's progress over a year in Physical Therapy by pushing a button? And do you know that I have saved a huge, beautiful baby book here online for both children - with near daily photos? Maybe you wouldn't do that for your kids - and there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone parents differently because everyone is unique. I don't judge you. Please don't judge me.

I am a real person. This blog is about my real family. I don't take requests. I don't appreciate criticism. I take offense to rudeness. No one has the right to judge us. If you think I'm the worst parent in America, then by all means start your own blog about how you parent your children and stop reading mine. Just because you have a negative opinion about something or someone doesn't always mean you have to express it. It's just hurtful - and really unnecessary - to attack a Mom who is just doing her best and sharing her life. Imagine if we all supported each other and encouraged each other? The world would be a much better place.

If you want to follow our journey, you are welcome. I will continue to write about our days... about therapy... about poop... about allergies... about the boys diets... about gluten AND wheat free foods... about alternative medicine... about infertility... fertility... feelings... and more. What you won't see here anymore is hate. That party is over...starting now.

Imagine THAT.

Tomorrow I will post about Gavin's good news. I'm too riled up to post it along with all of this nonsense.


  1. BRAVO Kate!So excited to hear the good news : )

  2. So you won't post mean comments AND you make us wait for good news?! How rude! ;) This is Tyler Thomas by the way I couldn't figure out how to be un-anonynous

  3. Sorry the trolls have gotten to you Kate. It's for anyone not to be affected by another persons bullying tactics and that is really what it all boils down to. It's you and no one else that has to wake up every morning and take care of your children and no one but you and Ed should have a say in that. They aren't being neglected or abused. On the contrary...they are very well cared for and loved. Maybe that is what makes these people so mean. Maybe they didn't have a Mom who would do anything for them.

  4. Looking forward to Gavin's good news!

  5. Ack, that last comment was me, I was thinking about the anonymous thing so much, that's what I clicked on!

  6. Beautifully put Kate! :)

  7. I am so sad to read this. I still don't get why anyone would attack you or be rude to you. Hugs sweetie you are doing the best you can and that is a hell of a lot better than most! Oh by the way, Rich and I made the emergency kits today. I even put in it "if this box saves our lives, please thank Kate Leong".

  8. Well said Kate. You are an amazing, strong, vulnerable, beautiful, REAL woman & we love you!!!

  9. Kate: I only have one child with special needs. I will make a binder for him with all of his diagnoses, medicines, what he does, etc. I will also write down how to 'handle' him and the appropriate numbers to call if he has an incident. This will be his emergency kit and could help a crisis team, babysitter, EMS, etc.

    I think it's a lovely idea. For the other two kids I will make folders for them and what they are allergic, to and more.

    Kick those rude comments to the side.

  10. Bravo.... Now waiting to hear the news

  11. So, take that....meanies! Good job,
    Diann Smith

  12. I was really looking forward to Gavin's big news today - so sorry that these comments have gotten to you like they have. I think everyone who blogs finds those trolls, who are seeking to rile them up. I have had several comments over the almost 3 years of blogging that fit into this category. I pray that you do not get least for awhile!

    Happy Pi day! I look forward to hearing Gavin's good news tomorrow!

  13. Kate,

    I read your blog for many reasons. One huge reason is that you make me appreciate my two children more than I think I ever would. There small triumphs are huge in your household and to me that puts a whole lot into perspective. I love your blog and I look forward to reading it everynight. Your family has become a nightly ritual for me, and I am so sorry that people take it for granted. Life is to short for people to be so... mean. Please know that you inspire this mom. Keep your head up.

    Can't figure out how to unanonymize myself.. is that a word?
    Kyrie from Delaware

  14. These are the same reasons I don't spend much time on Facebook, Twitter, and the what not much more. I find it grueling to read the comments section at or my local paper's site even. People can be so mean when masked behind the internet. Good for you for not allowing it to be the "standard acceptance." I'm just so sorry you would still have to read any of the nastiness while moderating =(


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