Imagine if I came to your house for a visit to see you and your family. And imagine during our visit that you shared with me how you manage your calendar...how you discipline your children...what you feed everyone...how you spend your free time.
Imagine if the next day you found a letter in your mailbox. The letter detailed all the things that I disagreed with. How I thought you could manage your time better. How you really are using the wrong method of discipline. How it's reprehensible that you feed your children what you do, the way you do, when you do. How you are arrogant for thinking you deserve ANY free time since you really are such a crappy parent. Well, at least according to my standards. Getting a letter like that would suck, don't you think?
Getting comments like that on my blog sucks just as much.
This blog has taken a strange, gloomy turn. I suppose the more people that start following us, the less control I have over keeping the mean people out. I have never wanted to censor. I have control over these comments - and I can choose not to post one, some or all. I started moderating comments after THIS incident. To me it's a catch 22. If I only post the positive ones I would feel weird about that - like only people that compliment me are allowed to comment. I don't know how else to explain that - I just don't want to appear like an egomaniac. I've thought about having ZERO comments. But that would be awful. I get so many great ideas from other Moms and Dads. I feel like we have all learned so much from each other. It would piss me off to lose that because of a couple mean spirited individuals who don't even sign their name...and a couple meanies that do. I've also been advised that I can eliminate the choice of people commenting as "Anonymous"... which I am reluctant to do. Lots of people get flustered trying to figure out how to post using a name or google ID and then give up. I don't want to miss great advice or a smart tip! So from now on, I refuse to post any comments that are attacking, rude or judgemental. Unfortunately, I still have to read them - and they will likely still hurt my feelings - but no one else will see them. It does amuse me, though, to think of someone spending SO much time sitting in front of their computer crafting a hateful comment to me. I suppose in some weird way it can be strangely flattering to have a person spend THAT much time away from their own family to hate on me. Or not.
I've been very accepting of Facebook friends since I started writing - and that will stop, too. It's apparent to me that some of the meanest comments come from people who have friended me. I don't really know how to handle that at the moment.
If it gives the people who post these comments (likely to then see the big reaction that ensues) any satisfaction - yes, your comments have hurt me. And yes, I have cried. Feel better about yourself?
This blog started out HERE on CaringBridge when Gavin was very, very sick as an infant. From the beginning I poured my heart into my writing as a way to get through the days. Days filled with feeding tubes, scary testing, oxygen at night, braces on his hands and feet, scary diagnoses and more. I wrote and I wrote - and if you wanted to read you were welcome to follow Gavin's journey. Each visit meant a lot to me - and each visitor became like family. The CaringBridge site even featured us in a promotional video which you can see HERE so we could express just how much writing - and the readers - meant to us.
My writing is personal. Just as what you do behind your front door - or even in public with your own children - is personal. The difference between us? I share it openly. I don't claim to be perfect. I don't claim to know all the answers. I don't claim anything. I just share and share because it's something that helps me...and I've learned so much along the way from others in the same boat that take the time to write to me. My writing each day is a way to chronicle our journey. You think that's overboard? Hovering? Helicoptering? I don't give a crap. Do you know, if asked, I could pull up Gavin's progress over a year in Physical Therapy by pushing a button? And do you know that I have saved a huge, beautiful baby book here online for both children - with near daily photos? Maybe you wouldn't do that for your kids - and there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone parents differently because everyone is unique. I don't judge you. Please don't judge me.
I am a real person. This blog is about my real family. I don't take requests. I don't appreciate criticism. I take offense to rudeness. No one has the right to judge us. If you think I'm the worst parent in America, then by all means start your own blog about how you parent your children and stop reading mine. Just because you have a negative opinion about something or someone doesn't always mean you have to express it. It's just hurtful - and really unnecessary - to attack a Mom who is just doing her best and sharing her life. Imagine if we all supported each other and encouraged each other? The world would be a much better place.
If you want to follow our journey, you are welcome. I will continue to write about our days... about therapy... about poop... about allergies... about the boys diets... about gluten AND wheat free foods... about alternative medicine... about infertility... fertility... feelings... and more. What you won't see here anymore is hate. That party is over...starting now.
Tomorrow I will post about Gavin's good news. I'm too riled up to post it along with all of this nonsense.