The rumors are true. I'm struggling a little. Physically...as I am finally miscarrying one or both of those little embryos we worked so hard to keep and not feeling well at all. And mentally as I feel like all the events of the last weeks, months...even years...have caught up to me. I'm definitely feeling sorry for myself.
But do not feel sorry for me. And do not worry. This, like everything, will soon just be part of my story. Despite what I may be going through internally, I had fun today with the boys.
Today is Thanksgiving and we are spending the day as we had planned...in our pajamas and enjoying each other. The boys and I made our own version of "Hand Turkeys" and I was so proud of Gavin for allowing me to hold his hand down while I traced it.
Brian loved the activity and I got teary as I pictured him doing things like this in his new pre-school. (Which is definitely a "go" come January)
Ed has been spending most of the day preparing a Thanksgiving feast (and perusing the black friday ads!). He's putting our turkey in our new "Oilless Turkey Fryer" and making stuffing and green bean casserole. I'm making Yams au Gratin with Gruyere cheese. Thanksgiving dinner to me, though, is just that - a dinner. In all sincerity, I feel like every day is Thanksgiving. Even in the darkest hours, I know I have much to be thankful for.
My favorite song over this past year has been "Blessings" by Laura Story. If you listen to it here, it sums up how I truly feel. I may not always get what I ask for...pray for...long for. But sometimes my greatest blessings come from my greatest disappointments. I feel grateful that I am able to realize that.
I remain crushed that my Dad died. But so grateful that I knew what true love from a great Dad felt like for 41 years. So grateful that I knew he loved me so much - and told me. So grateful that he knew I loved him - and those were the last words we spoke to each other the Sunday before he died.
And I am so thankful for my Mom. She has been a Mom, a Mommy, a fantastic Granny, a friend and a confidante. Everyone should be so lucky.
And when I look around my very own house - I feel such gratitude. A husband who loves us. A son who teaches me every day to try and try again and never give up.
And another son who reminds me that laughter really is the best medicine.
I don't need a national holiday to celebrate them.
Happy Thanksgiving from our family to yours.