Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Hold Your Applause...

It's official - Brian has graduated from "Early Intervention." Please hold your applause until then end - thank you.

We are so grateful, sincerely, to Miss Jen and Miss Christi. They were Gavin's speech therapist and teacher (respectively) and I couldn't have imagined getting anyone else to come back to our home for Gavin's little brother. They are the "best in the biz", as they say.

Yesterday was Brian's last speech therapy with Jen. They had a lot of fun - playing, coloring, reading...and exchanging Christmas presents.

Then today was Brian's last visit with his teacher, Miss Christi! Brian was in rare form and ended their time on a high note. They played on the iPad, made a pretend hot air balloon, and also exchanged presents.

This ends Brian's home therapy. Next stop: school. It's so hard for me to believe that Brian will be three on Friday. I'll save the sappy entry for the big day.

It should come as no surprise that Brian's birthday video will be late. I just can't get it together lately. I need - badly - to snap out of my depression. For real.

You know what keeps me going? These boys. Brian is getting really chatty and has started with "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" when he wants my attention (which is all day long). Typically he will be chanting "MOMMY" when I'm busy 'rescuing' Gavin from precarious situations. Like when he's trying to scale the refrigerator shelves...
Or climbing, by himself, into a toy bin.
Normally, these amazing feats would have their very own journal entry. Gavin's sudden progress has been nothing short of amazing. That should tell you just how...crappy, for lack of a better word, I feel. Just...blah. I should mention - much of Gavin's motivation is negative. His teeth banging (and, something new - his head banging) has increased. His motivation to crawl up into the fridge? To bang his teeth on a shelf. His motivation to crawl into the toy bin? To bang his teeth on the entertainment center. For me, being alone (although it has its advantages at times) has had a major downside. When I'm drying my hair...or going to the bathroom...or playing with Brian...or, well, insert ANYTHING that takes me away from Gavin for a second - he will find a place to bang his teeth. On the granite island. On the foot of Brian's sleigh bed. On his Daddy's night table. On the glass of the front door or the back door or the window...where he'll also bang his head. On the art table...the chairs...the train table...the toilet. We have so many teeth marks in our wood furniture. I feel like my days are spent pulling Gavin away from banging his teeth. Trust me when I tell you - we've tried SO MANY techniques to stop this behavior. For years. It's really so depressing to me. If you're not on him every waking hour, he will find something to bang his teeth on. Having someone here means that happens SO much less...Brian's one on one time is not disrupted...and Gavin gets more quality time, too. Although Gavin has been tough to wrangle - he really is only interested in cruising around the house and testing his physical capabilities!

But on the positive side - his motivation to bang his teeth has helped him make a ton of physical progress! Yippee for that!!

I guess you figured out that I'm not doing very well. It's hard to hide. I've said this before - but I'm just so embarrassed by this! I didn't expect to feel this bad. I think about my Dad all day - and am so quick to cry. But when you have a house that has a revolving door of therapists...and factor in the holidays and public outings...I feel I should be eligible for an Academy Award for my acting skills. I don't always manage to hold it together in front of people - but that just makes my 'performance' that much more dramatic and "Oscar worthy", right??

Keep holding that applause.

To end on a positive - the highlight of my day has been the incoming Christmas/holiday/everything cards that have been arriving. I love that anyone would think of us. And I extra love seeing photos of everyone and their children and families and dogs and cats and houses. Our ordered photo cards have not arrived yet. I can't wait to share the card here. I found a special way to honor my Dad on the envelope. It was important, maybe silly...but still important...for me to do so. I miss my Dad.

You can clap now.


  1. I, like you, didn't think, but knew that my father hung the moon. We lost him five years ago, the day after Christmas. I still miss him all the time, but I promise you it will get better. The loss of a parent is an incredible thing, you become a bit of an orphan, no matter how old you are. I feel for you in this trying time and want to say that I think you are doing great.

  2. Kate:

    With all you have been through feeling crappy is NORMAL! Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your Dad. Be easy on yourself and you have no reason to be embarrassed about this. It's part of life and you have been dealt a crappy hand this last couple of years.

    I think of you daily and love you and your family.


  3. I wish there were some magic words I could say to make things better. I do know how it feels, and its still so new and fresh to me that I can't even think beyond myself to come up with any bit of wisdom either. I still think about my mom every day too. A little less now than a few months ago, but its still there. I'm not sure when it happened but there was a point where it stopped being sad to think about her, but there is still sadness there. They say the first holidays are the worst. So when I'm praying for peace and strength for me and mine...I'll pray for you and yours too. Much love to you Kate.


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