I've been putting off writing my journal entry all day. Why? I'm not sure! I think I'm just...blah. I'm still not quite right after all that's happened over the last several weeks. The IVF experience, my Dad's sudden death, the funeral, the positive pregnancy test that turned into a negative. I definitely feel like I've been on a roller coaster - and the ride hasn't come to a complete stop just yet.
But one thing I can guarantee you right now - I'll be fine. My Dad was a very positive person. I'd like to think I get that from him. He could always rise above anything... and he was the master at spinning a negative into a positive. I feel like if I stay stuck in a depressed mood I would be disrespecting him. I owe it to him - and all he taught me - and all he did for me - to be happy.
BUT...to be fair, it is pretty darn hard to be sad in my house. Gavin and Brian see to that every single day.
Last time I wrote, I had just found out that my very short pregnancy was over. I was told to stop all of my medications and to expect a very heavy period. Then I was to make an appointment for this Wednesday so they can be sure my Beta level is back down to zero. Well, nothing major or even close to "heavy" has happened. I don't know what to think, but I'm certainly not getting my hopes up or expecting any miraculous news come Wednesday.
I had a few emails from concerned readers wondering why I would do something stupid like announce a pregnancy so early. Well, thanks for your concern. I decided to share my entire IVF journey. I think it would kind of suck if I left out the ending each month, don't you think?
Ed and I decided to skip town for a change of scenery. I needed to laugh...to eat a lot...to have a place to sob alone in a room if I wanted (and I did) without little ears to hear me. We ended up going to a show at the hotel. The comedienne, Kathy Griffin, was not only there...but her show was being filmed for an upcoming special on Bravo in December!! And not only that...we scored seats in the FRONT ROW!! Coincidentally, I found this out at the same time I came to a shocking realization that my hair looked stupid, I was dressed like a "Mom" and I had almost no makeup on. Basically, totally camera ready (if you are watching "What Not to Wear"). This was our view...
We definitely laughed a lot. That will make up for the crying I'll surely do when I see myself on TV in December. Ha!
The show ended late so we headed back up to our room to go to sleep. I was miraculously woken up by the tiny bing of my phone - I still can't believe I heard it from across the room. It was Katja's boyfriend. Katja was staying with the boys at our house - and she was having severe abdominal pain. Her boyfriend was scared and thought he needed to take her to the emergency room. Ed and I immediately packed up - we were in total "parent mode." Katja is like family to us and we were very concerned for her well being! I made some calls and my friend, Drew, ended up picking up the phone at 1am - thank God. He rushed over to our house and stayed there until we got home two hours later. Katja spent hours and hours in the E.R.; but thankfully it was nothing terribly serious. She is taking off this week to rest and recover.
Sunday was busy at our house. I'm back to interviewing for a new helper and ended up meeting with three candidates yesterday afternoon. They were all very good! While I was grilling...er, I mean getting to know...the girls, Ed was busy with his new toy. He got an "Oilless Turkey Fryer" and was dying to try it. It's a pretty cool contraption! He hooked it up to a propane tank on the deck and it cooked the turkey in just a few hours. Ten minutes for each pound - and it came out great. Crispy skin...and tender meat. I bet our whole neighborhood smelled our turkey!! (You're welcome)
My sister, Bean, came to help me today for a few hours. Gavin had his four year old physical at the pediatrician. We haven't seen Dr. Forman in a long time - which is a great thing! We feel so fortunate to love both of our pediatricians and we recommend them to everyone in town.
I am very happy and proud to say that Gavin is officially "on the charts." He weighed in at a whopping 28.8 pounds and he's 37 1/2 inches. That puts him in the 10-25th percentile. Woo Hoo! He had to get a few shots today, too. He took them like a champ, as always.
When we got home we had a quick lunch before Gavin's teacher, Miss Janna, arrived. I think that's when the discomfort started to kick in. Poor Gavin. When bubbles don't cheer him up, you know he's got to be hurting...
We ended today with a nice treat. My Mom made a ton of pumpkin bread the other day (yes, the same Mom that just lost her husband - can you believe her??) and we were one of the lucky recipients. We all enjoyed a piece as a snack. Brian was signing more before he was even finished what he had!
And even Gavin...who had been so grumpy and sad all afternoon...was smiling and happy eating Granny's pumpkin bread.
Yep - it's pretty darn hard to be sad around here for long.
p.s. I'm on a mission to find a copy of my Dad's obituary from the Philadelphia Inquirer. I was lucky enough that two friends found copies...and I just need one more for my sister. If anyone happened to save a copy - or still has their Inquirer from November 8 - I would be SO grateful. I know it's a longshot...