Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Good, Bad... and Grateful

It's been quite a day. I'm feeling good and bad and grateful. Where to begin...

How about here...
Gavin went walking after his breakfast this morning! He and Miss Katja braved the heat and walked up and down the driveway. Having a bad day today? Watch this...

He just amazes me every single day.

Inside, I was nervously watching the baby monitor. Brian slept in until 9:30!! It's so unusual when either of the boys sleeps like that and my mind goes to terrible places. It's silly, I know, but I have to stop myself from checking on them incessantly or thinking that they're... well, you know. It's awful and I need to chill. Turns out that he just slept in and woke up happy and ready for breakfast! Gavin was just coming back in from his walk and he was hot. In a sneaky move, he reached over and tried to swipe his brother's cold milk.

So that's the good news. The bad news has me pretty down. This month was another failed attempt to get pregnant. I am now waiting for a call from our insurance company with instructions on how to get injectable fertility medication rushed overnight to the house. Tomorrow I'll head to the doctor's office so they can teach me how to administer the drugs to myself... although I've needed to inject myself with arthritis meds before so that part is no big deal to me. Starting this process puts a real damper on the vacation that we were hoping to take before Ed starts his new job. I'll be at the mercy of the doctor and my body and will need lots of monitoring. We may only have a small window to try to go anywhere or do anything. This is really such a major bummer all around.

Katja asked me a question today that I often get asked. The "why don't we adopt" question. The question doesn't bother or insult me - I completely get why people ask. We really don't have anything against adoption... but it's just not for us. At least not now. One reason is Gavin. It's possible that science will make great strides with stem cells so that one day Gavin could use one of his sibling's cord blood. We didn't save his - which is a huge regret. We didn't know anything about it - and had no reason to believe that we would need it! So we saved Brian's and will save the next child's, hopefully. There are other reasons why I personally want to have my own child, but that's a biggie.

So, it's been a rough day for me. But I'm grateful to Miss Katja for pushing me to take the boys to a local fun center. It was just what I needed to get out of my own head. We rode the carousel, walked around and had fun watching the boys explore.

Brian loved riding the train with Miss Katja...

Gavin loved climbing on the treehouse and going down the slide...

And Brian was hilarious playing on the slide. This video will also make your day...
Both boys loved the lights and Brian pushed every button on every nearby machine. You can be sure this crazy Mommy vigorously washed their hands.
It was a fun afternoon.

I am also very grateful to all of YOU! I can not even believe how many people visited this little blog on it's first day. Thank you to everyone who left comments here and on Facebook or sent them to my email. I am so flattered.

If you can spare a few prayers, could you send some my way as I start this new journey? Hopefully the road will lead to a pregnancy... and then hopefully that road will lead to a healthy baby.


  1. I don't understand people who make such personal inquiries on other peoples lives. I have to admit that ...while watching a show on little girls adopted from China...I thought about how perfect one of those girls would fit into your Chirish home. But I would never suggest or question. And your logic makes perfect sense to me...its just too bad you have to explain your decisions to people like matter how well meaning they are. Praying for you!

  2. Kate I am so glad to be able to come and check on you here!! I am thinking about you often and really hope this is your BFP month!! Hug! =)



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